It's been a crazy fun week. The team my brother and sister coach made it back to the state finals for the second year in a row! I am so proud of both of them, their team and everything they've accomplished. Last year, while still excited and happy for them, I still had trouble feeling the excitement because I wasn't real happy as a person. Also, I remember when the season ended, I sat around the rest of the weekend thinking, what I am going to do with my time now?? I realized I would be spending a lot of time cooped up in my house by myself which I think caused me to spiral further into the depression I found myself in when January rolled around. I thought I didn't matter and since I lived away from everyone, I often thought they forgot that I existed.
I don't feel that way, not even close, anymore. While the living situation is still the same, it doesn't make me sad anymore. It means I have to drive a little to do the things I want to do and to see the people I want to see but it's okay. A little driving never hurt anyone! I know that I can call or text my siblings, in-laws, friends and my parents (well, I can call them...love ya mom and dad!) anytime and they will be there for me. I'm pretty sure they didn't realize how low I was feeling until it got really bad. Now that they've seen me transform myself into who I am now, and still trying to become, I know they realize how important they are to me. I love soccer season but I am actually looking forward to the free time I'll have in the evenings. Just have to find some things to occupy my time! I have a feeling Renee' will tell me to look at recipes but I will avoid that as long as possible - I get so confused and frustrated that it just isn't fun for me. Maybe someday that will change.... But now I won't need to eat Subway for dinner twice a week so I'm actually going to have to cook...
Another fun thing this week was going back to boot camp with Renee'. It's a bit of a stretch for me to make it after school but I wanted to go so I knew I would just have to get out of school on time. It was nice that the first day was a half day for me so I was actually able to get there a little early and start with the group. Some of the people hadn't seen me since May so it was fun to see their reactions. Also, I was able to do much more than I thought. But, I still don't have a lot of confidence in myself or my abilities. I was definitely hesitant to do some of the exercises but Renee' kept pushing me to try (exactly what I needed) and I managed to do them. I just can't lift much weight. But I still think if you call something a sled, and I have to push it, I should be able to ride it down a hill in the snow too... :) I actually wasn't sore the next day which surprised me. I went back on Thursday and managed to do everything. Well, almost everything. She tried to make me hang from a pull-up bar which wasn't happening. But I think that's why my arms were sore for the next two days! Which I know made her happy... We'll see what happens next week. I'm not scared - yet ;)
I'm still working on the personal training stuff. I'm actually getting closer to being done with the manual. Then I have to go back through and figure out what I read the first time. But, it's actually interesting. Still not sure what I'll ever do with it if I pass the test but it gives me something to do.
I also got to go through more clothes and put more in bags to give away. Some of them are things I just bought this summer but are too big already. It's crazy to think about how much I've changed even in the last 3 months. I just ordered my Christmas cards and I am actually so excited to send them out this year! I never thought anyone cared about getting things like that from me. The turnaround in my mood, frame of mind and so many other things about life is just unbelievable to me. Renee' is my friend and I also have so many more wonderful people in my life than I had a year ago. Funny thing, it's hard to imagine what life was like without them. I feel blessed in so many more ways than I could ever count or mention.
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
I know I am.