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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Figuring Out Why It All Happened

"Sometimes you fall down because there is something down there that you are supposed to find"

I can't even begin to explain how true this is for me.  I have fallen down more times than I can count.  In fact, I think there has been more than one period of time where I feel like I just kept falling every day.

This is kind of a continuation of my previous entry but I really believe I was at my lowest point ten months ago.  But, in conversations I've had with my family, there was definitely a reason I got to that point.  I think it is because I was supposed to finally figure out that people exist in the world who wanted to help me.  That there are people out there who want to be my friend simply because I'm me.  Not because of who my brother and sister are.  That's not meant to be mean (and I don't think they would take it that way).  I love my brother and sister more than anything.  They are my best friends.  But, for years and years, I never thought anyone wanted to be my friend unless they knew me through them.  Didn't think I was important.  I think that's why I talked about them so much to other people.  It was all I knew.  The good part?  Now I talk about myself.  And I enjoy it!

Many of you know, I am not good at patting myself on the back.  But, I also think that, maybe, I got to where I was at so I could go on the adventure I've been on in the last 10 months.  

I've met people I never would have met and done things I never would have done if I had stayed curled up in my little comfort zone (aka, my bubble). I've had conversations with people I never in a million years would have had a year ago.  I definitely think my "Bubble" is getting bigger.  Maybe someone poked some holes in it!  While I am still super quiet around groups of people I don't know real well, every day I get a little better.  One of the biggest things I notice - my face doesn't get red when I answer questions.  I'm not embarrassed when people look at me.  I am so much more comfortable with being in the middle of group.  As long as I don't have to say much. ;)

The best thing I found at the bottom of the hole that I brought out with me?  My sense of humor and my ability to laugh at anything and everything.  For the most part, I'd always been a pretty happy person who enjoyed laughing.  Somewhere, somehow, I lost that.  Finding it has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.  If I can't laugh at myself, who will?

The other part of the reason I think I was meant to fall so far down?  I love helping people.  So, maybe I was that far down so I could help other people who are in the same position.  I've noticed that, since figuring all this out about myself, I am so much better equipped to help my students on a regular basis.  I focus so much better on them.  I'm not so uber-focused on myself and dwelling on all that's wrong in my life.  I don't even let much bother me anymore.  I am so much calmer than I ever thought possible.  I never thought that would happen.  Guess that's a side benefit to finding happiness in my life.  

I've had so many people tell me how inspiring my journey is to them.  I still find that strange in some ways but at the same time it makes me feel like I have another purpose in this world.  Renee' has done so much for me, I definitely want to pay if forward in any way I can.  I love telling my story because it shows people it's possible to accomplish the craziest of goals if you find a place to start.  And find someone to believe in you.

Looking back on all of this, I am actually happy I fell down.  

If you don't get lost, there's a chance you may never be found.

In a nutshell - I found self-esteem.  I found self-confidence.  And I found myself.  And it's unbelievable.