First of all, no one would have asked those questions about me a year ago. It's absolutely insane to think about how much I've changed in just one short year. Second, when I truly try to remember my life a year ago, I find it hard. Maybe because I don't want to go back there. Actually I never want to go back there and I know I never will. But, also because I have literally done a complete 180 with my life. The only things that are the same are where I live and that I love to take naps. Other than that, I can't think of one thing about my life that is the same as it was a year ago.
When we were talking yesterday, I told them it was unbelievable to think that a year ago I was still eating microwaveable meals, ordering pizza and just wanting to stay locked up in my house. I was out of breath just going up a flight of stairs. I dreaded anything that involved putting on something other than sweatpants. I still love my sweatpants, but in a different way :)
Last year on MLK day, mom and I spent the afternoon together. I think I mentioned this before, but we ended up getting caught in some horrible traffic on the way back to my house. So much so that we had to sit in the car on the highway for over an hour. It may have been longer than that. Anyways, all I can remember telling her is that I was so tired of being sad all the time. And, of course, I was crying. By this point, I already knew I was going to meet with Renee' at some point. I just wasn't sure when yet. When my mom said it will all work out in time, I wanted to believe her. I knew I was taking some steps in the right direction. Fast forward one year later and I can't believe how right she was. My life is completely different, I am completely different from the person who sat in that car last year.
When you finally decide you want to make your life better and you take steps to make that happen, it creates a bunch of anxiety, lots of scary situations, and so many other crazy things. However, the adventure you will be on is literally indescribable. I'm still on my journey and I will be for a long time. But the last year has shown me just how much one person can change in a short amount of time. It's possible to change your life. You just have to decide you want to try. And take some action to make it happen. It's the best gift you will ever give to yourself. I promise.
When you fight yourself to discover the real you, there is only one winner.