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Friday, March 14, 2014

Working My Way Through the Last Two Months

If you focus on results you will never change.  If you focus on change, you will get results.

The last 2 months have been a time of trying to figure a lot of things out for myself.  Which can be difficult for me.  It's not something I've always been good at.  I'm such an emotional person that I often just resorted to eating or doing whatever would make me feel good rather than working my way through difficult situations.  Over the last year I have experienced so many positive moments.  I don't think I could list them all if I tried.  I also don't think I truly thought about how I would react and what I would do when I didn't see much physical progress in my adventure as I had grown accustomed to over the last year.  I've had some days where I've wanted to just say screw it.  I have also wanted to just throw my scale out the window and have a car run over it.  And I've wanted to scream and cry because I've gotten so frustrated I just didn't know what else to do.  

So, how have I gotten through it?  

Well, one thing that has helped me immensely is exercising.  Although I'm not losing weight at the moment, I am doing something that is so good for my health, mentally, emotionally and physically.  Exercising relieves stress.  It makes me feel good about myself.  When I challenge myself with different exercises and I am actually able to do them, it makes me feel proud of myself.  I get the feeling that I've accomplished something.  Just this week, I did 5 real push ups in a row.  No one saw me (that was on purpose), but, I swear I did them.  If you know me, you know I am not a good liar.  Plus, if it didn't really happen, Renee' would know it when she looked at my face :) Then I'd be in trouble.... Also, these lovely things called tricep knee push ups (evil, evil invention).... well, I could barely do 5 of them 2 weeks ago.  They still suck balls, but, I am up to being able to do sets of 15 as long as I spread them out throughout my workout.  I love seeing myself accomplish things I never thought I would be able to do.  It's so much fun!

Another helpful piece has been realizing that I can't be so focused on the number on the scale.  I've written a little about that before but I didn't share the extent of it.  Let's just say I was stepping on the scale way too often and I know that seeing whatever number popped up was making me more and more frustrated.  So, I made a decision last week to move the scale out of my bathroom, put it in my closet and only get it out on Thursday mornings.  It was a little weird the first couple of days but, overall, I think I enjoyed not seeing a number every day and getting worried about what I had done wrong the day before.  When I stepped on the scale this past week, I was back down to 184 (I had gone up 1.5 lbs and then down .5 lb the last 2 weeks) and, although I always want more, I was happy with it.  I proceeded to pick up the scale and put it back in the closet.  And I have no plans to get it back out until this Thursday.  

Having people to talk to about my frustrations has been a huge key to this as well.  I am notorious for keeping things hidden inside myself until they eat away at me.  Having a couple of people I can talk to when I'm having a rough day has made all the difference.  I have always been someone who needs to talk things through in order to process them.  So, now that there are people I can talk to about things that are bothering me, I am able to process things much quicker and they don't eat away at me as much.  

Hearing people say how much my story has helped them in one way or another has been another key to my figuring out that my life and my adventure can't just focus on weight loss.  It's still bizarre to hear the word inspiration describe me but, at the same time, it's probably the best part of this whole adventure.  Paying it forward is what it's all about.  And if there is ever a way I can help someone, I want to seize that opportunity.  I'll never be able to repay all the amazing gifts I've been given since January 2013.  

When you start on a weight loss adventure, I don't think you can really imagine how much your mindset also has to change.  How much it will change, sometimes without you even realizing it.   I know 14 months ago I never would have imagined how much I would change in so many ways.  Yes, there are many physical changes, but honestly, almost more important, are the mental and emotional changes I've made.  If this were the old Amanda dealing with this plateau and other things, I know exactly what I would be doing.  Let's just say there would be a lot of pizza ordering and ice cream and cookies being bought at the store.  But, because I've changed my way of thinking about so many things, that's not where my mind goes.  I never want to go backwards and I realize that, as long as I am willing to keep trying new things (at my own pace of course), I won't.  

Most people are stronger than they know, they just forget to believe it sometimes.