Kinda piggybacking off my previous entry. It's all about the journey. The adventure. That's what this whole thing called life has become for me. I used to just kinda float along. No one ever really noticed me. And I was okay with that. As the above says - it's exactly what it needed to be. For lots of reasons. Some of which I still haven't figured out completely. Maybe I never will. And I have to be okay with that. Because every single thing that occurs or has happened brought me to the current place in my life. And, although I am still trying to change many things about my life, I know it will all happen when it's supposed to happen.
Changing things in my life is not an easy process. You'd probably say it's not easy for most people. I think I might be kinda special in this department though. I am so hesitant about things that are unknown to me. As I said above, no one ever really noticed me. It's completely bizarre to me that people notice me now. Heck, maybe they always did and I was just too down on myself to see it. Either way, I'm thankful every day that I've found my way out of that dark hole.
Everything happens for a reason. And, although I may not ever understand why, I'm thankful every day for what I've experienced. It's brought me to where I am today. It's allowed me to rediscover my love for working with teenagers and helping them figure out their future plans. It's allowed me to figure out so much about myself. I have self confidence. I smile. Surprisingly, these are all things I never used to do.
I hit a bit of a rough patch for a week or so over the summer. It's not easy to admit that. But, I am happy to say that, because of the strength I've found over the last year and a half, I was able to find my way out of it pretty quickly. I knew it was okay to ask for help in sorting out what I was going through. A couple of years ago, I would have just bottled it all up inside, eaten a few cookies and a gallon of ice cream and called it a day. I would have pretended that everything was fine even though it wasn't. Which brings me to this -
It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. Truer words have never been spoken. In addition to the above. I still struggle with believing in myself. And it amazes me on a regular basis that there are people who believe in me. One random thing I noticed the other day - I was at an open house event, talking to someone and some random people that I believe know my brother waved and/or smiled at me. Although they probably recognize me just from his games, it was a bit strange (to me) that they would acknowledge me. Like I said before, I'm not used to being noticed. Which is why I find it so weird when people use the word inspire and my name in the same sentence.
One person in particular constantly challenges me to keep making changes so I can become the best version of myself. Better than I ever thought I could be. She knows how insanely difficult this is for me. Yet, she still hasn't given up on me. There are times I wonder if she regrets making me think (because it usually results in a lot of rambling thoughts) but, I know she wouldn't have it any other way. That alone keeps pushing me to be better than I know how. So, thanks Renee' :) For being my friend and everything you've helped me find in my life.
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