Follow by Email

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Right on Time

Kinda piggybacking off my previous entry.  It's all about the journey.  The adventure.  That's what this whole thing called life has become for me.  I used to just kinda float along.  No one ever really noticed me.  And I was okay with that.  As the above says - it's exactly what it needed to be.  For lots of reasons.  Some of which I still haven't figured out completely.  Maybe I never will.  And I have to be okay with that.  Because every single thing that occurs or has happened brought me to the current place in my life.  And, although I am still trying to change many things about my life, I know it will all happen when it's supposed to happen.  

Changing things in my life is not an easy process.  You'd probably say it's not easy for most people.  I think I might be kinda special in this department though.  I am so hesitant about things that are unknown to me.  As I said above, no one ever really noticed me.  It's completely bizarre to me that people notice me now. Heck, maybe they always did and I was just too down on myself to see it.  Either way, I'm thankful every day that I've found my way out of that dark hole.  

Everything happens for a reason.  And, although I may not ever understand why, I'm thankful every day for what I've experienced.  It's brought me to where I am today.  It's allowed me to rediscover my love for working with teenagers and helping them figure out their future plans.  It's allowed me to figure out so much about myself.  I have self confidence.  I smile.  Surprisingly, these are all things I never used to do.  

I hit a bit of a rough patch for a week or so over the summer.  It's not easy to admit that.  But, I am happy to say that, because of the strength I've found over the last year and a half, I was able to find my way out of it pretty quickly.  I knew it was okay to ask for help in sorting out what I was going through.  A couple of years ago, I would have just bottled it all up inside, eaten a few cookies and a gallon of ice cream and called it a day.  I would have pretended that everything was fine even though it wasn't.  Which brings me to this - 

It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now.  Truer words have never been spoken.  In addition to the above.  I still struggle with believing in myself.  And it amazes me on a regular basis that there are people who believe in me.  One random thing I noticed the other day - I was at an open house event, talking to someone and some random people that I believe know my brother waved and/or smiled at me.  Although they probably recognize me just from his games, it was a bit strange (to me) that they would acknowledge me.  Like I said before, I'm not used to being noticed.  Which is why I find it so weird when people use the word inspire and my name in the same sentence.  

One person in particular constantly challenges me to keep making changes so I can become the best version of myself.  Better than I ever thought I could be.  She knows how insanely difficult this is for me.  Yet, she still hasn't given up on me.  There are times I wonder if she regrets making me think (because it usually results in a lot of rambling thoughts) but, I know she wouldn't have it any other way.  That alone keeps pushing me to be better than I know how.   So, thanks Renee' :)  For being my friend and everything you've helped me find in my life.