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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Right on Time


Kinda piggybacking off my previous entry.  It's all about the journey.  The adventure.  That's what this whole thing called life has become for me.  I used to just kinda float along.  No one ever really noticed me.  And I was okay with that.  As the above says - it's exactly what it needed to be.  For lots of reasons.  Some of which I still haven't figured out completely.  Maybe I never will.  And I have to be okay with that.  Because every single thing that occurs or has happened brought me to the current place in my life.  And, although I am still trying to change many things about my life, I know it will all happen when it's supposed to happen.  

Changing things in my life is not an easy process.  You'd probably say it's not easy for most people.  I think I might be kinda special in this department though.  I am so hesitant about things that are unknown to me.  As I said above, no one ever really noticed me.  It's completely bizarre to me that people notice me now. Heck, maybe they always did and I was just too down on myself to see it.  Either way, I'm thankful every day that I've found my way out of that dark hole.  

Everything happens for a reason.  And, although I may not ever understand why, I'm thankful every day for what I've experienced.  It's brought me to where I am today.  It's allowed me to rediscover my love for working with teenagers and helping them figure out their future plans.  It's allowed me to figure out so much about myself.  I have self confidence.  I smile.  Surprisingly, these are all things I never used to do.  

I hit a bit of a rough patch for a week or so over the summer.  It's not easy to admit that.  But, I am happy to say that, because of the strength I've found over the last year and a half, I was able to find my way out of it pretty quickly.  I knew it was okay to ask for help in sorting out what I was going through.  A couple of years ago, I would have just bottled it all up inside, eaten a few cookies and a gallon of ice cream and called it a day.  I would have pretended that everything was fine even though it wasn't.  Which brings me to this - 


It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now.  Truer words have never been spoken.  In addition to the above.  I still struggle with believing in myself.  And it amazes me on a regular basis that there are people who believe in me.  One random thing I noticed the other day - I was at an open house event, talking to someone and some random people that I believe know my brother waved and/or smiled at me.  Although they probably recognize me just from his games, it was a bit strange (to me) that they would acknowledge me.  Like I said before, I'm not used to being noticed.  Which is why I find it so weird when people use the word inspire and my name in the same sentence.  

One person in particular constantly challenges me to keep making changes so I can become the best version of myself.  Better than I ever thought I could be.  She knows how insanely difficult this is for me.  Yet, she still hasn't given up on me.  There are times I wonder if she regrets making me think (because it usually results in a lot of rambling thoughts) but, I know she wouldn't have it any other way.  That alone keeps pushing me to be better than I know how.   So, thanks Renee' :)  For being my friend and everything you've helped me find in my life.