I can still see myself two years ago and it makes me sad sometimes. I mean, to think about all the time I wasted being sad. And isolating myself from the world.
However, I do know it all happened for a reason. And, I can also look back and see how much love and support I found simply by opening myself up to the world around me.
Last year, I tried to focus goals on fitness and not necessarily weight because I was growing more and more frustrated with my body's unwillingness to lose weight at this time last year. Well, although my body still refuses to lose weight, I have learned to not dwell on it. That just because the number on the scale doesn't say what I want it to say doesn't mean I am not getting healthier and more in shape. A year ago I never imagined that in October of 2014 I would run an entire 4 mile race in under 45 minutes. I still find it crazy that this actually happened. Just a few weeks ago the doctor told me that I was gaining muscle. That made me feel good because certainly, at this point, that's the goal with exercising!
Throughout the last year, I have grown, changed and made decisions I never thought I'd have the courage to make and follow through with. A big part of that is just finding confidence and believing in myself and all that the world has to offer me. And all that I have to offer the world. Feelings that didn't exist in me two years ago.
Looking back to when 2013 started, I couldn't have imagined all the good fortune, blessings, love, friendships and so much more that would come into my life. I guess everything does happen when it's supposed to happen. So, when 2013 ended, I wasn't sure what 2014 would turn out to be like. I mean, how could I possibly top the year that completely changed my life for the better? Turns out, it's possible. 2014 was another year full of amazing blessings, friendships and just all around good things. I had my ups and downs, just like everyone. But, overall, I never thought this kind of happiness could exist in my life.
And so, as I look at 2015 and all the possibility it holds, I am in awe of what I could do. I am, however, having trouble coming up with some goals for the new year. I no longer make resolutions. Just goals that I know I can work towards and (more than likely) accomplish by the end of the year. I don't really enjoy running. I just do it as a means to an end so I can safely say I have zero desire to try a half marathon. But, I am thinking about the Flying Pig relay. I'm not sure I'd make it the whole part running but I would certainly try. It's an option. I definitely have a financial goal with regards to saving money. In fact, with me and my planning skills, I already have it written out! Other than that, I'm struggling to come up with other goals. I'm going to keep working on a plan and see what I can come up with because I know I do much better when I have goals to focus on and something to work for and towards.
The best part about a new year? In my opinion, it's the blank slate that comes with it. Anything can happen. And anything is possible. That used to scare me to death. Now, I think it's fun. Although I will always be a planner (I can't help it, it's genetic), I love how much easier it's become for me to go with the flow and just enjoy life.
For the longest time, I never understood why I was here. And, no, I don't say that to make people feel sorry for me. If anything, I say it so you can see just how far I've come in the last two years. And that change is possible at any point in your life. It takes time.
But, I speak from experience, it's worth it in more ways than I could ever put into words.
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