Adjusting to Changes, Finding What Makes Me Happy :)

The next week was the last full week in May which is always a crazy time for me.  It means lots of graduations and end of year celebrations, awards days, etc.  Almost as busy as February!

I had two night commitments that week which made it hard to figure out how I was going to get exercise in.  But one thing I was starting to get better at was knowing that it was okay to just do a little bit.  And I was trying to move more throughout the day.  Instead of staying in my office all day, I would get up and walk around the building for 5 or 10 minutes at a time.  It woke me up and refreshed me if it was crazy day.   So, on those busy days, I would try to squeeze in a 30 minute walk, some body weight exercises or something else small but productive.

I do a lot of work with the career-technical school and students who attend there.  One of my night commitments that week was two of their graduation ceremonies.  Although it makes for long days, I looked forward to seeing the counselors from other districts.  I had become friends with some of them.  It was fun to be friends with people who are in the same field as me but also wanted to know me outside of a work environment.  Made me feel even stronger as a person!

One of these friends invited me to join her "book" club.  Every month or so they would get together and have dinner and discuss a book (if anyone read it...).  Four months ago, I never would have considered going to a restaurant to eat and talk to people I didn't know.  But, I was starting to discover a new me.  This new me wanted to meet people and be social and I thought this was a great place to start.  So, I started reading the book and enjoying the messages that were posted on the invites!  They seemed like a great group of people!  It was one more thing I was so excited I was able to push myself to do.

Once I made it through that crazy busy week, I had Memorial Day Weekend to look forward to.  I got to babysit my niece and nephew on Saturday night (I love my alone time with them).  We went to a park, went for a walk, got some dinner and made a trip to Orange Leaf (frozen yogurt).  It was a good time!  While playing with them, I could see such a difference in my energy level.  So fun!  The next day, we did a family deal where we got together to look at old pictures and reminisce about all the fun memories.  Another fun way we were able to celebrate mom and dad's 60th birthdays.  Looking back at the pictures of even my nieces and nephew made me realize even more how fast time flies.  I want to cherish every moment I get to spend with them and not be tired and constantly out of breath when I am chasing them.  It was even more motivation to keep going on this path I had started.

This picture is from Memorial Day Weekend at the park with my family - I actually didn't care that my whole body was in the picture!  That's a first for me!

I always dread going bathing suit shopping - who doesn't??  But this year, I had no idea what to expect.  Imagine my surprise when I was able to buy two suits that were not plus size.  And they actually looked decent (as bathing suits go).  What an amazingly gratifying feeling!

All the little things were starting to add up to seeing a new Amanda.  If someone had told me at the end of Winter Break that by the time summer arrived I would be energetic, excited and looking forward to all life has to offer me, I would have laughed in their face.  I just didn't have a positive view of life.  But now, I could finally see all that world had to offer and that trying to be my best was completely worth it.  I felt like I was finally changing into the person I always wanted to be and knew I could be!

Has it Really Been 4 Months?? Time Flies!

The first time I met with Renee' was in mid-January.  By the middle of May, I felt like I completely different person.  I was happier than I had been in years, on my way to being healthy, sort of understanding this whole food thing, and looking into ways to meet and be around more people.

Starting with being happier, it's really amazing what meeting new people, opening up and becoming friends with them and seeing that there are actually people out in the world who wanted to know me as a person was able to do for my attitude and outlook on life.  Although I have always been blessed with amazing people in my life, I think (well, actually, I know) I always felt like I blended in to the background.  Whether that was true or not, it was how I felt and that feeling had a huge impact on me.  Over the last 4 months, I had started to come into my own as a person.  Can't believe it took me til the age of 33 but, hey, we all move at our own pace, right?

I couldn't (and I know I wouldn't) have gotten this far without so much love, friendship and support from all the people in my life who matter to me.  And the list was growing!

The third week in May I was able to go to the last training session with the adult group on Tuesday.  I actually did most of the exercises (except anything with jumping).  I was kinda proud of myself.  Then she made us do something called a wall sit.  I hadn't done one of those since middle school!  I didn't make it the whole time without standing up a couple of times but I think I made it a decent amount of time.  At the facility there is this thing called a sled.  I don't know why it's called that because it's not like I can ride down a hill in the snow with it - but that's another story :)  Anyways, there's weights on it and everyone had to take a turn pushing it across the floor.  I didn't think I would be taking part in this oh so fun exercise.  But, Renee' had a different idea - I should have known!  She asked me how I felt about pushing it and I just shrugged my shoulders.  That would mean I would have to be up in front of a group of people.  But, I did it (I didn't really have a choice).  I could barely push it myself -so she helped me a little.  But I was proud of myself for what I did do.

Later that week, I stepped on the scale and I had lost another pound - I was learning to accept the small successes as well as the big ones.  That night was my nephew's preschool graduation.  I wore a pair of jean capris and a shirt and actually felt comfortable.  The picture below is from that night.

When I look at that picture compared to one from January, I can't believe how different I look.  Not just thinner (although I was definitely seeing that), but just happier.  When I looked at that picture, I could see the happiness in my own eyes.  It was, and still is, an amazing feeling.

That weekend we threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my parents.  I was able to see some people I don't see very often and it was so much fun to hear the compliments on how great I looked.  But it was also fun to have conversations with people I may not have been comfortable to talk to in the past.  For anyone curious, there are never foods I can't eat.  I just choose to make better decisions.  However, that night, I did eat a piece of cake and have a little ice cream.  However, I also had salad for dinner.  "It's all about balance" - I had heard that a lot in the last 4 months and I was starting to believe it :)

Just 11 days left in the school year and a whole summer to look forward to at this point in my adventure - I could only imagine what life still had in store for me.

I Walked 13.1 miles ... Now What??

For anyone who has ever trained for something, when it's over, sometimes there is a bit of a letdown.  It's kinda like after the holidays are over or when a sports season ends for one of your kids.  So, I was a little worried that once the Pig was over I wouldn't have much to work towards.

Good thing I had already set a new goal for my weight loss and that I had Renee' to kick me in my butt.  Well, she never kicked me but telling her what I ate every day held me accountable.  It still does.  If you are thinking about changing your lifestyle - I'm not allowed to call what I'm doing a diet - definitely keep a food journal and find someone who can give you feedback.  Like I said, I've lost weight before but it was usually just by "cutting back" and trying to work out a little more.  I think that's why I always gained the weight back.  I never truly changed what I was putting in my body until I started getting feedback on why certain foods were better than others.  I still don't know much about food but I'm learning - however slow the process might be!

My new goal (which I couldn't believe I was actually making) was to lose another 20 pounds by the time we left for vacation on July 3rd.  If I made it, I would be just shy of 60 pounds....

So, the week after the pig, I took Monday off of work. Good thing I did, I think I slept for 12 hours Sunday night!  My legs and back were sore but overall I didn't feel too bad.  I definitely could have laid around on the couch all day (I probably deserved to) but I asked Renee' if going to the gym just to move a little bit would be a good idea.  She said yes so I did the elliptical (slowly) for about 30 minutes.  It definitely helped with the soreness.  I did some stretches she suggested (except for yoga - that whole flexibility thing isn't a strength of mine) and I felt good.  I confess, I laid around the rest of the day :)

The week after the Pig was staff appreciation week which means - free food galore!!  I made a promise to myself that I would just stay away from all of it!  Anytime something was put in my mailbox, I gave it away to an office aide.  Tuesday was a conference day so I couldn't go to training that day.  I had to go out and get dinner between the start of conferences and the end of the school day.  The school was providing dinner of some kind but I knew I would get myself in trouble if I ate it.  So, I made my way to Panera, grabbed a sandwich and, instead of the cookie they offered me, got some green tea.  I made it through the night and felt pretty good about the choices I made.

The other day of the training got moved to Friday that week so I couldn't go due to swim lessons (I teach a couple of lessons at the Y).  But Thursday was another fun day because I lost another 4 pounds!  I'm sure walking 13 miles had something to do with it but hey, I'll take what I can get!  I couldn't believe I was only 6 pounds away from losing 50 pounds.  I told Renee' I would probably pass out when that happened.  I had actually stopped saying IF because I was actually believing in myself.  Crazy what having someone believe in you and pushing you to be your best can do for your self-confidence :)

I didn't have anything to do that weekend so I was able to spend a lot of time alone (that never used to be a good thing...) trying to get inside my own head.  I figured some things out.  Now, I just had to figure out how to take action without stepping too far out of my comfort zone...

Half Marathon Time!

It's the first weekend in May.  Looks like it's going to rain on Sunday, the day of the Flying Pig.  Thankfully, it doesn't look like it will be pouring down rain.  Since I've done this twice before, I actually prefer that it be cloudy because walking 13 miles in the hot sun isn't very enjoyable!

I stayed at my parents house that night so mom and I could leave bright and early that morning.  For those who know me, I am not a morning person.  I have to set my alarm 15 minutes before I need to get up just so I won't be late to work!  My mom, on the other hand, can talk your ear off at 5 am.  So, I knew I had to be ready to go at 4:30 like she said.  We made our way downtown, found a place to park and walked to the starting area.  We had long time to wait for the 630 am start but we just passed the time by talking.  And, of course my mom saw someone she knew.  Everywhere we go she sees someone she knows :)  Since we were towards the back of the start groups (based on the time you thought you would finish), we didn't start til about 6:45.  Once we got going and worked our way out of the crowd, we were able to keep a good pace.  And it wasn't raining!

The first 6 miles or so took us about an hour and a half.  Then we came upon my "favorite" part of the course... the miles of hills.  But, I was going to try not to complain.  Mom and I just kept walking and didn't do much talking.  I think it took us a little over an hour.  I was definitely slowing down and running out of energy.  But, we kept going.  The rest of the course isn't too bad (downhill and flat) but by that point I was ready to be done.  We kept going, it started drizzling a little bit but I was feeling pretty good.  Looking forward to eating something!

Crossing the finish line was awesome.  And I finished in under 4 hours!  Way under my estimate for myself.  Couldn't believe it.  Such a fun moment.

The real adventure turned out to be finding the car.  I think mom and I walked around for about 20 minutes trying to find the right garage.  Turns out downtown is just as confusing as the grocery store.... But we found our way and eventually made it home.  I didn't move from the couch the rest of the day.... But I was so proud of myself!

This was just the beginning of so many good things :)

Seeing More and More Changes and Loving It!

At the beginning of May, I was really starting to notice a change in myself in so many ways.  I was happier, more energetic and feeling more and more like I wanted to be out in the world instead of hiding in my house.

For those who don't know me, several years ago I had lost a lot of weight at a fairly quick pace.  To make a long story short, I ended up passing out in the shower one morning and had to go to the emergency room.  I had been seeing my doctor because I felt like my heart was racing whenever I would exert myself.  They couldn't really figure out what was going on so I just kept on with my life.  The morning I passed out, I ended up being admitted to the hospital for 3 days.  They found that I was severely iron deficient anemic.  My hemoglobin level was about half of what a normal level is.  I had to take it easy for the next several weeks, take iron supplements and see several doctors to try to figure out what was going on.  They never did come up with an actual diagnosis.  I just had a rapid heartrate and I ended up on medicine for it.  Throughout the next several years, I slowly gained the weight back, trying yo yo diets here and there and losing some but then gaining all and some extra back.

So, by the beginning of May I'd been taking that medicine for about 7 years and it was something I never thought I would stop taking.  Guess my body had another idea.  I woke up one morning and was so dizzy I fell back into my bed - good thing it was still there!!  I called my doctor that day and he said that because I'd lost so much weight and this medicine also controls blood pressure, I probably needed to start weaning off of it or at least get a lower dose.  I was so excited!!  All of my efforts were paying off in more ways than one. For the next two weeks I took a pill every other day and I noticed a difference within the first couple of days.  Also exciting was the fact that my heart wasn't racing when I was exercising which is what started all of this in the first place.

Renee' asked me how I was feeling throughout the day - making sure that I wasn't feeling dizzy when I was working out, etc.  I told her I felt good but was getting bored with food (especially lunch).  She ended up sending me a few different ideas for lunch that were really good :)  Amazing how healthy food can actually taste good!

After an afternoon workout with Renee', my brother, sister and I met at a park and played with the kids for an hour or so.  It was sooo fun!  I love spending time with all of them and it was amazing how much more energy I had to chase them around.  I could only imagine what I would feel like by the summer.

That Thursday I stepped on the scale for my weekly "moment of truth".  However, I was actually starting to look forward to it instead of dreading it like I used to.  I hit 40 pounds!!  In less than 4 months I had lost 40 pounds.  Unbelievable.

I was actually looking forward to the weekend and the half marathon :)  Not sure when that mindset happened!

Crossing Things off the List :)

So, in addition to changing my nutrition, exercising and losing weight, I was starting to realize how isolated I felt.  In addition to volunteering at the Miracle League Fields when I was able, I wanted to find ways to make some new friends.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family and all the time I spend with them and I have a few amazing friends who have always been there for me.  However, in the past year or so I've been through some rough times which I think contributed to where I found myself in January. However, if you'll remember, meeting new people isn't my greatest skill.

I started small, in my own way.  I continued going to the training group and would talk to my sister in front of some of the other people after the session was over.  That was the best way I could think of to start feeling comfortable around these people.  I also just started trying to talk to more people at work.  Since I was more comfortable with myself, I was a little more willing to open my mouth.  Plus, work was a comfortable place for me so it wasn't too difficult for me to say things to people.  A lot of it was about starting to share my story.  Made me smile.  And it was fun to tell Renee' about my days and people making positive comments to me.

I couldn't believe the Pig was just 10 days away.  My goal that we set back in March was to be down 15 pounds by the time of the half marathon.  I started this next goal at a loss of 22 pounds.  On April 25th, I stepped on the scale and I couldn't believe what I saw (again)!  I had lost another 3 pounds which meant that my total was now 38 pounds - Check that goal off that list!  I was in shock.  I remember back in the beginning of March I thought Renee' was crazy when she suggested that goal.  Turns out, she knew what she was talking about.  In fact, most of the time, she's right.

I was excited to tell her about meeting the goal.  When she responded she said she could see it in the way I was walking, moving and carrying myself.  That meant a lot.  I see myself all the time so it was hard to see a huge difference in myself.  Kept me going when I would hear it from other people.

The other fun part of the end of April - wearing some spring clothes that hadn't fit in a couple of years!  We had a jeans week at work at the end of April / beginning of May and I put on a pair of capris that barely fit 3 weeks earlier - now they were big!!  I couldn't believe it - I really think some of my funnest moments were when I put clothes on and they felt like they were falling off.  Especially because most of them were tight on me last year.

I was actually looking forward to the half marathon the next weekend.  When we registered, I put down that I thought I could finish in about 4.5 hours.  Now, a shorter time was actually becoming a little more realistic!  And I was looking at the possibility of being down 40 pounds by the time of the race.... :)

Three Months Later ... What Else?

So, it's mid-April, I've lost 33 pounds in 3 months and I've branched out (a little) and I've gone to work out with people I don't know... what else could there be?  Apparently, lots!

People were starting to notice my weight loss and actually asking me what I'm doing.  I even had a few people ask me if I was on some kind of crash diet to which I responded, no, I actually eat all the time!  It was (and still is) really amazing to me how big of a role nutrition plays in weight loss and just being healthy overall.  Although I still didn't know what most of the food was that Renee' was talking about, I had figured enough out to function on a daily basis.

So now, I was supposed to try salmon.  And she was talking about something called edamame - I really thought she was making that up - even though I didn't really think she would do that.  Took me about a month to find that at Kroger.  I started looking up recipes for salmon and it kept talking about broiling.  I wouldn't even know what button to press on my oven to broil something... I told her the fire department should probably be on standby if I try to broil this salmon stuff.  I gave in, found a way to bake it (actually she told me how to make it...) and I actually put it in my mouth.  Definitely doesn't smell very good.  But, I ate it and I think Renee' did a happy dance for the next couple of days.  I still can't figure out how she's gotten me to try 90% of this weird food she says is good for me....

By this time, the Flying Pig (half marathon) was only a couple of weeks away.  So, I kept working on walking some different paths with lots of hills.   For anyone who has ever done the Pig, about 4 miles right in the middle of the course is nothing but hills.  So, I knew I needed to be ready because I always struggled with that part when I'd walked it before.

I also kept going to the training after school when I was able.  If I had a meeting after school, the timing didn't usually work out.  I did go one Tuesday then went on a walk and got caught in the pouring rain.... Normally I would have been really mad but I just laughed about it.  Sounds crazy, but this was one of those moments where I knew I was changing as a person because of how I reacted to the situation.  And my phone and my Ipod both survived so all was right with the world :)

As she had all along, Renee' kept saying she was proud of me which made me smile but I wasn't really sure why.  I mean, I certainly wasn't doing this by myself!  But, every time I said thank you, she just kept saying we're a team.  Meant a lot to me.  I hope by then she knew what an impact she was having on me and my life.

So many people in my life - friends, family and co-workers, kept commenting on how different I seemed - in a good way.  The weight loss wasn't the only thing - I was happier than I had been in a very long time and found myself smiling and enjoying life in a way I hadn't done in years.  I was starting to realize what a difference having more amazing people in my life was doing for me as a person.