Setting Goals, Being Proud & Celebrating

A goal is a dream with a deadline.

Goals have been a huge part of this process for me.  Without them, I wouldn't have anything to work towards.  I never realized how important they would be to me.  

Ever since people started noticing that I was losing weight (the most visible aspect of all the changes I've made), I've been asked if I have an ultimate goal for weight loss.  The answer to that, at the moment, is no.  I don't know what a healthy weight is for me or where I will feel the most comfortable.  So, small goals have worked really well for me.  When I started this back in January, I didn't even tell anyone what my first goal was until I was 6 pounds shy of it.  I remember the day (rainman memory).  It was a Thursday in mid-February and I texted Renee' to tell her I had lost 3 more pounds that week.  She asked what the total was and I told her 14 and that I wanted to lose 20 by my birthday (March 27th) and that I was actually feeling like I would achieve it.  Realizing that was an amazing feeling and gave me another boost of confidence.  

There were also other things that I wanted to do, I just didn't know it.  Well, and they were all out of my comfort zone so they took some pushing.  It probably sounds kinda crazy but having to report back to someone about my progress on goals I've set throughout this process has been a crucial part of my success.  Not to mention the encouragement and support I've felt from numerous people since Day 1.  I've said it before, my struggles with weight were a catalyst for everything that has changed over the last 9 months.  

I think my sister-in-law said it best one day when we were having a conversation about all of this (she really is one of my best friends).  She said, there's a reason you've struggled with your weight, with feeling down, with meeting new people, with so many things.  It's so you would get to this point in your life, meet the person (people) you were supposed to meet and find your way to the life you're meant to have.  Pretty insightful, if you ask me :)  She's a pretty smart and awesome person!

If you are looking to make some changes in your life, set goals but make sure they are things you will be able to achieve.  I know if, back in January, I had said I wanted to lose 100 pounds by Christmas, it would have felt forever far away and I wouldn't have had anything to celebrate.  My confidence probably would have gone down because I wouldn't have had any achievements to celebrate.  I've learned to enjoy every success I have, whether big or small because every achievement deserves a celebration.  Now, I am actually closing in on losing 100 pounds and it feels amazing!  I may or may not get there by Christmas (my goal) but I know I will get there eventually!

When I accomplish a goal, I feel an amazing sense of achievement.  And I feel proud of myself.  That's a feeling I didn't know existed.  Just today, I had more little things happen that made me smile.  I was on a field trip to UK and we took a tour of most of the campus and had to walk up 4 flights of stairs to see the sample dorm room.  A year ago, I would have been dying.  The walking alone would have been enough but 4 flights of stairs???  No thank you.  Today, I felt energized, I enjoyed every minute of it and, amazingly, I wasn't even out of breath after climbing up the stairs.  Sometimes, I notice and celebrate the little things even more than the big accomplishments.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.

Questions I Get Asked...And More :)

I get asked questions all the time about everything I've changed or am doing in my life.  I love when people ask me questions.  It makes me feel like people notice me and my hard work.  I love being able to help people (if they want it) or just satisfy their curiosity. So, I'm going to try to answer some of the questions I get asked most often.  If you have something you'd like to ask me, feel free at any time to ask :)

1.  How have you lost that much weight in 9 (or any number) months?  

      To be completely honest, I have no idea.  The human body has a mind of its own.  But, I will say that, although difficult, I committed to this 100% from the beginning.  I knew from past experience that if I didn't, I would do okay for a couple of weeks but I would sink right back into what was comfortable.  My body has definitely been shocked in more ways than one.  With Renee's help, I've done my best to not let my body get used to what I'm doing.

2.  Do you eat?

     Yes, of course I eat.  If I didn't, the weight loss would have stopped a long time ago.  Or I would look like a ghost.  Actually, I probably eat more often than I ever did before.  I've learned that what you read in all those fitness and nutrition magazines is completely true - you should eat every 2 to 3 hours.  I now do and I have since the end of January.  My "meals" are much smaller because I'm not starving when I eat.  

3.  Do you feel healthier?

    ABSOLUTELY!!  Just the other day, I was so excited to have pizza for lunch.  It's probably been over a month since I've had a piece of pizza and, for someone who used to eat it a few times a week, that's saying a lot.  While it was absolutely delicious, I couldn't believe how full I felt the rest of the day.  I was also incredibly thirsty.  My body has definitely grown accustomed to having healthier food to operate with.  I felt kinda sluggish the rest of the day (but I would still eat pizza again:).  

4.  Do you have more energy?

     110% YES.  While there are still days I would love to go home and take a nap after work, by going to the gym, I find that I am more energetic for the rest of the day.  I also sleep soundly through the night.  Well, I've always slept like a rock, but I definitely feel much more rested in the morning.  When I am chasing my nieces and nephew around, I don't get tired anywhere near as easily.  I want to be up and moving around.  I don't mind going up the stairs now.

5.  What do you eat?

     I eat a lot of lean protein.  But, I also eat a decent amount of carbs and fats.  The difference is the type of carbs and fats I eat.  I also eat different protein.  It is mostly lean protein.  I eat a lot of turkey, chicken and, at times, a little fish (when I can get it down...).  There are some fats that are actually healthy for you.  They are in peanut butter and avocados, just to name a couple.  While my entire diet cannot be carbs (like a majority of it used to), it is important to eat carbs.  They give you energy and serve important functions in the body - or so I've been told (and I believe it).  I still eat pasta from time to time, it's just whole wheat.  All of the bread products I eat are whole wheat.  I make a smoothie a few times a week using protein powder.  It's an easy way to get a good amount of your protein in and there are a lot of ways to make them yummy!  I am also really conscious of the amount of sodium I eat.  Sodium causes you to hold water weight and has other health risks.  I still eat sodium, I just check labels to see what my best options are.

6.  Do you eat out?

     I'll be honest, I struggled with this at first.  Actually I still do.  But, yes, I do.  Oftentimes, I research the menu online before I go so I can make a good choice.  Most restaurants have at least some of their nutrition information online so that usually helps me.  I also look for grilled items.  Usually means it is a healthier choice.  I almost always order a salad to eat before my meal arrives.  Makes me not as hungry when my meal arrives.

7.  How do you not eat all the good, sweet, sugary stuff?

     This was and still is one of the hardest things for me.  I have a huge sweet tooth.  But, as I've gone through the months, it's gotten easier.  I also allow myself to have a little bit of something if I really want it.  That's usually at a birthday party or social gathering of some kind.  At work, I just stay away from all of it.  But, I also know that I'll get in trouble if I eat it.  Well, not in trouble but Renee' might hurt me (in a loving way, of course!).  While I still tell her what I eat every day (it helps me stay accountable to myself), I find myself getting a little better each day at walking away.  To satisfy my sweet tooth, I eat some york peppermint patties with lunch and dark chocolate with dinner every day.  Funny thing is, it actually works!

8.  How often do you exercise?

     Almost every day.  Very rarely, I might miss a day.  Unless I'm sick there has to be a pretty good reason for me to not do at least 10 or 15 minutes of something.  I missed one day in September and Renee' kicked me in my butt, which I needed.  Except for a couple of days when I was sick, I haven't missed a day since.  Well, I did miss last Friday but I had a free pass because of the state championship game :)  The trick is, I usually don't do the same thing two days in a row.  Some days I go for walks, others I do a walk/jog, some days I go to the gym and get on the elliptical or the treadmill and then lift some weights.   I try to change it up so I don't get bored.  If I get bored, I know it will get more and more difficult to keep going.  Google has become my best friend :)  I've also taken my time integrating things into my workout.  I still don't jump and I try to take it easy on my knees by only running/jogging 2-3 days a week.  

9.  I can't see you as being quiet - have you really changed that much?

     This definitely comes more from people I've met recently.  But, the answer is, yes!  My self-confidence and self-esteem have grown by leaps and bounds which has allowed my personality (that I always knew was inside me) is finally shining through.  I am 100x a better version of myself and I have Renee' (and a couple of other people) to thank for that.  

I think most of the time you see people lose the amount of weight I have, you don't know the person real well or they might be on a TV show.  I've always loved the Biggest Loser.  It's a great motivator to get healthy.  But, I firmly believe there is something to be said for being able to do all of this at home while working and being involved with my family and friends.  Yes, it takes longer, but having the support of my family and friends has made all the difference in the world.  I couldn't have gotten this far without them.  

"My friends and family are my support system.  They tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear and they are there for me in the good and bad times.  Without them, I have no idea where I would be and I know that their love for me is what's keeping my head above the water" ~ Kelly Clarkson

Can't Think of a Title...but here ya go!

Challenge yourself with something you know you could never do, and what you'll find is you can overcome anything.

If I'm being honest - which is what I'm trying to do in this blog - if someone had asked me a year ago what I wanted out of life, I don't think I would have had an answer.  Or my response would have been something to the effect of, figure out why I get the crappy end of everything that happens in the world.  Yep, that was my mindset a year ago.  It's hard for me to admit that, write about it and, amazingly enough, remember how it felt.  I'd get home from work, lay on the couch, watch TV and usually fall asleep.  I just didn't feel like I had anything to be happy about.

So, if you had asked me to challenge myself a year ago, I would have told you anything that required leaving my house would be a challenge for me.  Believe me, I am the first one to shake my head in disbelief at the fact that I have lost 92 pounds in the last 9 months.  In addition, I have started to face some of my biggest fears and forced myself to be in more social situations than I ever thought possible.  I would definitely consider that to be a huge challenge for me and something I never thought I could do.  It took a lot of pushing and encouraging from a couple of really awesome people.  But, the above quote is true when it says you'll find you can overcome anything.  As I started to put myself out there, these situations got less and less scary.  I developed confidence I didn't know I had.  What a fun feeling.  I'm still working on it but, when you overcome something, it really does make you feel like a new person.

We all like being in our comfort zones.  I think I may be an exception to that rule - I love mine.  I don't like to be in any situation where I don't know someone.  Even when I know someone, there are lots of times I still won't say more than 10 words.  An example, I've been going to this boot camp with Renee' for awhile and it's still rare if she gets me to say more than 10 or 15 words unless I'm talking to her or my sister.  But, know what?  Me joining the group, if you remember from a previous entry, is something I never thought I would do.  

I feel like this quote summarizes my life over the last (almost) year.  I'm having fun and enjoying life in ways I never thought possible.  I have a great job and work with the best people.  My family is amazing in so many ways and I have the best friends in the world.  I never knew I would find so much support from so many people.  

Earlier today someone said my blog is inspirational.  Made me smile.  A lot.  I never thought I could inspire anyone.  I still don't really think that about myself but to hear someone say that just proves that you can really can overcome anything.  Everyone has their time.  Apparently mine started in January 2013 and, lucky for me, keeps going.  I feel so blessed in so many ways.

Fun Week

It's been a crazy fun week.  The team my brother and sister coach made it back to the state finals for the second year in a row!  I am so proud of both of them, their team and everything they've accomplished.  Last year, while still excited and happy for them, I still had trouble feeling the excitement because I wasn't real happy as a person.  Also, I remember when the season ended, I sat around the rest of the weekend thinking, what I am going to do with my time now??  I realized I would be spending a lot of time cooped up in my house by myself which I think caused me to spiral further into the depression I found myself in when January rolled around.  I thought I didn't matter and since I lived  away from everyone, I often thought they forgot that I existed.  

I don't feel that way, not even close, anymore.  While the living situation is still the same, it doesn't make me sad anymore.  It means I have to drive a little to do the things I want to do and to see the people I want to see but it's okay.  A little driving never hurt anyone!  I know that I can call or text my siblings, in-laws, friends and my parents (well, I can call them...love ya mom and dad!) anytime and they will be there for me.  I'm pretty sure they didn't realize how low I was feeling until it got really bad.  Now that they've seen me transform myself into who I am now, and still trying to become, I know they realize how important they are to me.  I love soccer season but I am actually looking forward to the free time I'll have in the evenings.  Just have to find some things to occupy my time!  I have a feeling Renee' will tell me to look at recipes but I will avoid that as long as possible - I get so confused and frustrated that it just isn't fun for me.  Maybe someday that will change.... But now I won't need to eat Subway for dinner twice a week so I'm actually going to have to cook...

Another fun thing this week was going back to boot camp with Renee'.  It's a bit of a stretch for me to make it after school but I wanted to go so I knew I would just have to get out of school on time.  It was nice that the first day was a half day for me so I was actually able to get there a little early and start with the group.  Some of the people hadn't seen me since May so it was fun to see their reactions.  Also, I was able to do much more than I thought.  But, I still don't have a lot of confidence in myself or my abilities.  I was definitely hesitant to do some of the exercises but Renee' kept pushing me to try (exactly what I needed) and I managed to do them.  I just can't lift much weight.  But I still think if you call something a sled, and I have to push it, I should be able to ride it down a hill in the snow too... :)  I actually wasn't sore the next day which surprised me.  I went back on Thursday and managed to do everything.  Well, almost everything.  She tried to make me hang from a pull-up bar which wasn't happening.  But I think that's why my arms were sore for the next two days!  Which I know made her happy... We'll see what happens next week.  I'm not scared - yet ;)

I'm still working on the personal training stuff.  I'm actually getting closer to being done with the manual.  Then I have to go back through and figure out what I read the first time.  But, it's actually interesting.  Still not sure what I'll ever do with it if I pass the test but it gives me something to do.  

I also got to go through more clothes and put more in bags to give away.  Some of them are things I just bought this summer but are too big already.  It's crazy to think about how much I've changed even in the last 3 months.  I just ordered my Christmas cards and I am actually so excited to send them out this year!  I never thought anyone cared about getting things like that from me.  The turnaround in my mood, frame of mind and so many other things about life is just unbelievable to me.  Renee' is my friend and I also have so many more wonderful people in my life than I had a year ago.  Funny thing, it's hard to imagine what life was like without them.  I feel blessed in so many more ways than I could ever count or mention.

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

I know I am.  

Family Picture Day

This past Sunday, we had family pictures taken.  Every time we've taken group pictures before, I always try to hide behind someone.  I mean, I've always been told I have a beautiful face or a pretty smile.  When you're heavy, even if the person saying those things doesn't mean it to, it often comes across as, that's the only thing about me that's pretty.  It can really fuel that lack of self-confidence.  I know it did in me.  So, to finally have a body that I am comfortable in and want to put in pictures is an unbelievable feeling. 

In fact, I had so much fun shopping for an outfit, I didn't know what to do with myself.  I didn't stick with dark colors because I didn't feel like I needed to hide anything.  In fact, I bought an orange scarf just so I could accent my outfit and stand out a little bit :)

It was fun to run through the park with the kids and know pictures were being taken that I wouldn't be embarrassed to look at in the years to come.  We captured memories and I was excited to be a part of the pictures for the first time in a long time.

Being happy is a feeling I wasn't sure I would ever experience.  I feel like that's a theme to this blog lately but it's the truth.  When you're happy, the rest of the world seems like a brighter place.  Don't get me wrong, I still get mad at people going 20 mph in a 35 mph zone but it doesn't ruin my day anymore.  Funny enough, stupid things like that used to make me mad for a majority of the day.  Now, I yell at them through my windshield, laugh at myself and move on with my day :).  Yes, I'm that person and I'm okay with it!

As a Christmas present last year, we had pictures taken for my parents.  Just for fun, here is a picture of me from last year at the beginning of December - 

It's hard for me to even look at that picture of myself.  I know how unhappy I was in so many aspects of my life.  On the contrary - here is one from this past weekend - I love looking at this picture and seeing the happiness in my eyes.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” 

I know I still have a long ways to go but I can't wait to see what the future holds!

Exercise Routine

I've had lots of people ask me what I do for exercise.  Especially people I've met recently at my new job who didn't know me when I weighed 281 pounds.  So, I'll try to describe what I have done and what I currently do to the best of my ability.  One piece of advice I can offer is to make sure you don't do too much too fast.  As you'll see below, it took me a long time to work up to where I am now and I'm still working towards a lot of different things with regards to fitness.  For example, I'm still not allowed to do much (if any) jumping.  It can still do a lot of damage to my knees and joints because I still have a lot of extra weight that I am carrying around.

When I first started working with Renee', she definitely had me start slow but she also made sure I was doing something I liked and would keep doing each day.  I've always enjoyed walking but, since it was the middle of winter, and I hate the cold, that wasn't an option.  Also, with how heavy I was, I probably wouldn't get much out of walking on the treadmill.  Plus, too much pounding could damage my knees and joints. By the way, this is all stuff I learned - I am not that smart!

So, I was mostly on the elliptical for the first couple of months.  The difference was, she came up with different things for me to do on the elliptical.  Renee' kept telling me we needed to "shock my body" which meant I couldn't get comfortable doing the same thing.  One day I would do a sprint/jog routine, another day maybe a hill climb then I would try a course on the elliptical or do some longer sprints and then do weights in between each set.  I was amazed at how many different things I could do on the elliptical.  I always had to write everything down because I knew I would forget something.  In addition to these elliptical routines, Renee' had me doing body weight squats, stupid push-ups (on my knees), planks (also on my knees) and some side and front raises.  I struggled to find the right form.  Even with the squats, I don't think I ever got the form completely right until she told me to put a physioball behind my back.  Never would have thought to do that on my own...

So, as you can see, I wasn't really lifting much weight for the first couple of months.  I needed to be moving my body safely, I learned.  She started to throw a few weight machines in here and there (took me awhile to find them at the gym sometimes...) but I was lifting pretty minimal weight.  And I was sore!  I was pretty much using 5lb dumbbells for the majority of my exercises.  Renee' added resistance bands as well.  I used those mostly when I went to boot camp at her facility.  Now, those things made my arms sore!  But, when I'm sore, it's a good thing.  At least, that's what Renee' tells me while she smiles at the fact that I'm sore.

As the months went on, I was doing longer sprints and other things on the elliptical but I still was trying to not put much pressure on my joints.  By mid-June, I had lost 50 pounds and Renee' wanted me to try to walk/jog, every minute on the minute.  I was willing to try.  It was a lot harder than I thought it would be but I made it an entire hour in that rhythm.  Even with all the exercise I had been doing, it was going to take me awhile to build up my lung capacity and my ability to breathe while trying to do more intense exercising.  I slowly worked my way up to longer bouts of jogging and continued to lift more weight when I felt like I was ready.

The big key for me has been mixing up my workouts.  I do strength training, circuit training, intervals, cardio, etc.  My body never knows what is coming next.  I do give my body a break with a couple of days where I just go for walks.  It's important to let your body recover.  So, walking is the way I can still be active but not put too much strain on my body.

Slowly build up your workouts.  If you have questions, ask someone trained in fitness so you can be sure you are getting the correct answers.  I feel like I've come so far but I still have a long ways to go.  The crazy thing is - all you have to do is start.  Once you do, your entire life will change, for the better.  Mine did.  And it's so worth it.

More Accomplishments and Lessons Learned

I'm not real sure how to be creative with continuing with my story.  But, I'll try :)

So, I didn't lose any weight this week.  And it's okay.  I went to the gym on Thursday, did a weight workout and some sprinting on the elliptical.  It felt good.  As I was walking out, a lady that I see sometimes who is an aide for an autistic boy who swims every day stopped and said, You look AMAZING!!  I just smiled, said thank you and told her how much I needed to hear that today.  She said I inspired her - It's so weird to hear that.  I feel like I am just taking care of myself (finally) so when people give me compliments like that, it feels so strange but also makes me proud at the same time.  I really don't think I've ever been an inspiration to anyone.  I've just kinda floated my way through life.  Now, I feel like I have a place somewhere and I keep finding more ways to make life fun.

There are still so many things I want to accomplish and learn about myself.  So, as I think of things, I want to keep adding to the list I started in my blog about what can change in 9 months.

28.  Now that I'm happy, it is so much easier and so fun to be happy for someone else in my life.
29.  Happiness is contagious.  
30.  I now get described as bubbly - which is bizarre in so many ways
31.  Shopping is fun!
32.  I never could have imagined how good it feels to have my entire family in my corner, cheering for me and constantly saying how proud they are of me.
33.  It's fun to be in pictures again
34.  I can almost keep up with my 5 year old nephew when he's running - He's fast!!  
35.  Making exercise a priority means I make myself a priority - and everyone needs that!
36.  Anything I want to do, I should try.  I'll never know what I can do if I don't try
37.  When I stopped comparing myself to others, I figured out I'm a pretty awesome person just by being me.
38.  Real and true friendships are priceless - and the best gift I could ever receive in my life.  
39.  Renee' enjoys it when I'm sore - so I'm sure I'm in trouble if she ever makes me workout with her again.
40.  Food doesn't need to be a reward.  Feeling good, looking good and being in good health are much better rewards than food.  But I still enjoy the occasional cookie :)

I'm sure there's more but that's all I've got right now!

I have so much more energy than I ever thought I could.  For example, today, I got up, administered a test at school and, since I had time, I went for a walk before I had to leave for the special olympics swim meet.  The old me would have laid on the couch and slept.  

Each day, life just gets better.  When the year started, I was so down on myself and everything in my life.  In my wildest dreams, I never would have imagined how much of a transformation I would make in such a short time.  The funny thing is, I know I will continue to change and grow and I'm excited for every bit of it!