Make a Change

So, it's about 2 weeks into 2014 and you may have already given up on your resolutions.  I hope not.  But, I know I've been guilty of that many times in the past.  Even if you've slipped up, just keep your mind on the end result.  If it helps, stop calling them resolutions.  Call them goals.

What's the difference?  In my opinion, many times resolutions refer to what you do at the start of the new year and not throughout the year.  On the other hand, goals can be made, achieved, altered, etc at any time of the year.  That's why I've learned to love goals.  They allow you to make changes at whatever pace you are comfortable with.  

When I started the process to completely change my life almost a year ago, my goals were very small.  In fact, my goals have stayed small throughout this whole process.  And I believe they will for a very long time.  Even after I reach my goal weight.  Or once I conquer some of my fears of being in various social situations.  And especially as I keep trying to learn how to cook.  Which, as we all know, is going to take years :)   Just know, as you start to check things off your list, you will feel empowered.  You will feel confidence in yourself that you probably haven't felt in a long time.  I know I do.

So, how do you make a change?

1. One step at a time.
2. Set realistic goals
3. Don't get down on yourself if you slip up or miss a deadline.  Just keep going!  You'll get there eventually.
4. Surround yourself with people who will support you.
5. Celebrate all of your successes, big and small.
6. Reward yourself when you reach a goal - in an appropriate way :)
7. If you have a fitness goal - find a buddy to work out with.  You can keep each other going to the gym.
8. If it's a life changing goal - take small steps.  Break it down into pieces
9. Figure out what works for you.  We are all different but we can all succeed in anything we set our minds to.
10. Don't be afraid to ask for help.  I used to be.  Now, I probably ask more questions than most other people.  But, it's how I learn and grow.
11. Believe that you can do anything!

I am already working on my goals for 2014.  It's been fun so far.  I have been smart enough to break them down into pieces.  I've made some long term and some short term goals.  I have confidence that I will reach most of them.  If I don't, I will reevaluate them, maybe extend my deadline date.  Remember, the deadlines you give yourself are self-imposed.  If you miss one, set a new deadline.  Once you start to see results of any kind, towards any goal, you won't want to go backwards.  You'll want to keep striving to see the end result.  I promise :)

Courage

"Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'."

Sometimes days and/or weeks don't always work out the way you want them to.  You always start out with the best of intentions, goals, etc.  However, there is sometimes a higher power at work that can make days tough.  That's not a reason to throw in the towel.  It's a reason to do as the above quote says - Try again.  When you want to make happiness a part of your daily life, you will always have to try again tomorrow.  Even if you've had the best day ever, you always have to have courage to say I'm going to try to make tomorrow even better.

I would say 99% of my days and weeks are awesome nowadays.  How many people are lucky enough to say that?  Part of that is my mindset that I am choosing happiness over allowing someone or something else to dictate how I am going to feel.  I definitely had a bit of a down day last week.  But, as my sister-in-law says, I'm human and I'm going to have days like that.  I think it scared me for a minute because I know that is how I used to feel every day and I never want to go back to that.  I've come way to far to go backwards.  But - I am know I won't.  Just because I have a down day doesn't mean I am reverting back to my old self.  It just means I have to have the courage to figure out how I am going to make tomorrow better.  

One of the crazy parts of this for me is that I'm no longer trying to do this by myself.  Last year at this time, I would have medicated my feelings with a ton of candy and hibernated in my house thinking that would make everything all better.  It never did.  Now, even though I wasn't in the best mood (I'm still not 100% sure why...), I still had a good day at work because of how much I love my job and my awesome co-workers.  I went to my workout and just tried to have fun.  Although I was still in a funk, I made the best of the remainder of my day.  When Renee' called me that night, I realized again how much I was not alone in my life anymore.  I've always had my family but, sometimes, you need someone else outside of your family to help you see everything clearer.  I had seen her that afternoon and she told me she could tell just from looking at me that I was in a weird mood.  I wasn't surprised that she could see it.  We talked for awhile and it made me feel so much better.  I have a couple of awesome friends that have always been there for me.  However, I will say that my friendship with Renee' has made me want to be a better friend to everyone I'm around.  In less than a year, she's showed me what being a real friend means.  On top of everything else she's done for me, I can't thank her enough.  But, I don't have to.  And that is an amazing gift in itself.  

A year ago, this kind of day would have lasted for days as I harped on it.  I'm still not real sure why I was in such a funk.  The good news?  I woke up on Friday in a much better mood, had a great day and I've had an awesome weekend.  I'm back to my happy new self and I am even more confident in my ability to maybe not have the best day but come out of it on the other side without too much trouble because I have wonderful people in my life and standing by my side that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.  

Don't let one rough day get you down.  It's not worth it.  There's something good that will come out of it.  Might be a lesson, might be you meeting someone that you were supposed to meet for any number of reasons or something else.  Just know that every day, every moment, has a reason, a purpose.  And tomorrow will always be a better day.  For one reason or another :)  Find your inner strength.  It's the best gift you'll ever give yourself.  I'm still developing mine but every day I am thankful for what I've found and what I know I will continue to find as the days and weeks go on.

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength"

Living in the Moment

Enjoy these moments now because they don't last forever.

As I sit here at the age of 33 (really not sure when that happened), I know how true this is.  I'm not sure when I got to be an adult.  Let alone an adult in her mid-30's.  But, over the last year I have learned that I really need to enjoy every moment in my day, week, etc because that moment will never happen again. Something similar might happen, but not in the same way. same place, etc.

For example - 

I am starting to realize how quickly kids grow up.  And I don't even have any of my own!  

My nephew is going to be 6 years old in less than 2 months.  I don't know how that is possible.  I was there the day he was born.  I held him shortly after he was born and was so excited to be an aunt.  I am so lucky that I get to be such a big part of his life.  But, as I look back, I may not have cherished all the little things with him as much as I wish I would have because I never thought time would go by so fast.  I wouldn't trade the little boy he has become for anything in the world.  But, I am definitely living in the moment more and more with him every chance we have to spend time together.  

I feel the same way about my nieces.  One is two and the other will be two in a couple of months.  They are hysterical together and apart.  I love being a big part of their lives and I am definitely treasuring every moment I get to spend with them.  They make me laugh all the time and are two of the sweetest little girls on the planet.  I know they won't be this little forever so every minute we spend together is precious to me.

Time flies when you are in a job you love.

I am now in the middle of my 10th year as a high school guidance counselor.  What?? Where did the last ten years go?  And when did I get old?  I remember starting out in my job at the age of 24, being young, naive and, in some ways, understanding the kids better than my colleagues because I was closer to their age.... :)  As I look back at the years now, I wish I would have stopped to cherish a few more of the moments that make it even more worth it to do my job than the ones that happen on a daily basis.  Today's teenagers get a lot of flack because of cell phones, video games, social media, etc but, the way I look at it, I'm guilty of it too.  I'd be lost without my cell phone.   And I love social media.  There are more awesome kids out there than I think anyone knows.  I love seeing them be successful each and every day and following their dreams.  They give me faith in the future of this world.

When you find yourself, you'll appreciate each day even more.

Now more than ever, I realize that you have to cherish each day.  I let way too many years slip by and I don't have a lot of fun moments to remember because I was too busy harping on what was wrong in my life.  Over the last year, I have learned how to celebrate everything.  Big and small.  I laugh at myself.  I make random comments.  I've discovered I'm actually kinda funny.  At least to some people.  I enjoy being around people.  I work with awesome people and I become more and more thankful for that every day.  They bring out the best in me, listen to me if I get frustrated (which, surprisingly, doesn't happen much these days) and are just fun to be around.  You never know what tomorrow is going to bring so live today to the fullest - you won't regret it - I promise!!

I'm feeling a little nostalgic tonight so this is what you get if you decided to read my blog :)  Not sure why, but it's not a bad thing.  Happens a lot in January because three days out of the month I remember 2 amazing women who had a profound impact on my life.  I miss my grandmas more than I can say but I know they are up in heaven, having a drink and looking down on me and smiling.  Although I know they were always proud of me, I feel like they finally know I'm happy and at peace with myself.  And I have a piece of each of them with me everytime I put my butterfly necklace on, wear my grandma's engagement ring or look at my pandora bracelet and my butterfly charm on there.  By encouraging me to become pen pals with my cousin Mere, my grandma helped me form one of the best friendships I have in my life.  For that, and so many other things, I am eternally thankful.  All of these things and more are reasons I know moments may not last forever, but the memory of them can.  And, sometimes, that is more powerful than the moment itself.

That's how I enjoy every moment.  What about you?

My Resolutions/Goals for 2014

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.

So, I figure if I write these down, then I have to keep them to the best of my ability, right?  2013 was such a crazy amazing year for me.  When it started, I didn't think it would be.  A month in, I was starting to have a really good feeling.  My goals kept me going throughout the year.  So, I think if I want to have another unbelievable year, I need to have some goals to shoot for.  I'm struggling to come up with some but here's the best I've got -


Reach 100 lbs lost by the end of February
I am so close and I hope it won't take me this long to get there but with how much my weight loss has slowed down (I think I am building more muscle now), I want to give myself time to reach this goal. 

Be able to do at least 5 regular push-ups by the end of March
I hate push-ups.  Partially because I don't have much upper body strength.  However, I have gotten progressively stronger throughout the last year.  I used to not even be able to do 5 push-ups on my knees, let alone entertain the thought of being in the regular push-up position without falling over in the first 5 seconds. So, needless to say, I get excited every time I am able to do one more than I could before.  I am up to 20-25 without stopping to rest.  My arms still get fatigued which is why if I want to do more, I split them up into sets.  I can actually hold the regular push-up position for about 10 seconds now so hopefully I can accomplish this in the next 3 months.  If not, I will keep going until I do :)

Find one or two 5K's to help me train for the 10K that I can run by the end of March
I hate the cold.  Especially right now.  But, just in case it isn't too warm in May (it happens), I need to get outside and run so this is a way for me to force myself to get outside.  I'm thinking about the Heart Mini 5K but I'm going to look closer to me as well and see what I can find.

Find a person (or more) to train by the end of April
I have no idea how I'm going to do this.  If you know someone, send them my way.  Guess I'll figure it out, right??

Run the Flying Pig 10k in May
I really don't think I was 100% ready for the 10K I ran last October.  So, my goal is to run the majority of the 10K in May.  I've been told the course isn't too hilly.  That's a good thing for me!  My biggest goal is to finish with a better time than I had in October.

Run another 10K in September/October (with a better time than May)
For right now, I think 6.2 miles is a good distance for me.  Running isn't my favorite thing in the world but I know it's good for me to do a few times a week.  So, I am going to stick with this distance and just try to get a little faster each time I run a race.

Reach my goal weight by December 31, 2014
This will consist of small goals throughout the year.  Once I hit 181 (100 pounds lost), I will probably go for 10 lb goals.  I am pretty sure I want to be somewhere between 140 and 150.  I think that would be a pretty healthy weight.  But, I'll see how I feel when I get there.  Love that I am saying when, not if.  :)

Plan a fun trip in celebration of reaching my final weight loss goal
I can guarantee this will include a beach somewhere.  Just don't know when or where.  Just a time to celebrate all I've accomplished.  I think I deserve it :)

The last one isn't measurable but I want to keep finding ways to continue becoming more comfortable in different social situations.  Every day I get a little better.  In some ways, I think it's like ripping a band-aid off every time I do something I'm not very comfortable with.  I think this is one of the hardest parts of "me" I have to overcome to completely find the life that I want for myself.  And I will get there.  Just slowly.

Success will be within your reach only when you start reaching out for it

December, Winter Break and More Updates

My motto for 2014: 

The 3 C's of life:

Choices, Chances and Changes.

You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change

I realize I've focused on a lot of quotes and thoughts so I decided it would be a fun to give everyone another update on my life.  I'm sure you're excited...but, I did promise to keep going with my story so that's what I'm going to do.

I didn't lose much weight in December but I did survive the holidays in ways I never thought were possible.  I had a few (three total) days of indulgent eating, managed to go out to eat a couple of times and still not gain any weight.  And I won't lie, I enjoyed the food :)  But, it's funny, I didn't eat anywhere near as much as I used to and I felt so full for so long after eating such different stuff.

I enjoyed going out to lunch, dinner, spending time with friends and family and just being happy.  I definitely didn't feel that way last year.  Or in a lot of the past years.

Christmas was so much fun.  We hung out, ate, opened presents and just enjoyed being together.  I love that my family is so close.  I don't know where I would be without them.  I enjoyed Christmas so much more this year than last year.  I wasn't in tears when I left my parents house and I was so excited for the day and then every day beyond.

One crazy thing that happened over my break from work?  I became a certified personal trainer.  What???  I didn't even really tell many people I was giving it a shot.  I just figured it would be something for me to do and that I might learn something.  Imagine my surprise, at the end of the test, when the final result was a passing score.  I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with the certification but I hope I can find ways to help people who struggle with a lot of the same things I've been lucky enough to overcome.  I can push them and they can push me to keep being at my best.  It's been over a week and I'm still in shock that I passed.

I worked out every day over break and tried to keep myself focused on long term goals.  I am trying to do different workouts, shorter, more intense in an effort to confuse my body.  So far, it appears my body doesn't want to be confused.  And, although I got a little frustrated on New Year's Day, I didn't do what I've done in the past.  I didn't give up or revert back to my old ways and order pizza.  I went in my basement and did a workout.  Know what, I felt better afterwards.  And I realized, I have achieved so much.  I can't let the fact that the scale isn't moving distract me from other goals and accomplishments.  The old me never would have talked my way through that.  I would have found any junk food I could and eaten more than a small army to make myself feel better.  Like always, only a temporary fix.  Now, me talking myself out of a funk and learning to be happy for everything that has happened - a permanent fix.  And it feels amazing.

As I type this, I am enjoying an impromptu 17th day of winter break because of the extreme cold.  I'm loving being curled up under a blanket, on my couch, watching all the shows that I usually record.  At some point (probably tomorrow), I'm going to have to get back on schedule.  But, for now, I am enjoying being relaxed.  The funny part?  The thought of going back to work doesn't stress me out anymore.  Much as I love being off and having free time, I'm looking forward to seeing my co-workers at some point and hearing about their breaks.  I can't remember the last time I was able to say that.

Last year at this time, I did not take any before pictures.  So, as a way to document the start of 2014, I took this picture last week.  I can't wait to see what the year brings and what kind of picture I get to take on January 1st of 2015!

Tests and Lessons

In school, you're taught a lesson then given a test.  In life you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.

How true is this?  I mean, think about it.  When you are in school, the idea is that you are constantly learning new things and then being quizzed to find out if you gathered all of the knowledge you are supposed to have.  I was never all that good at that part.  I enjoy learning, for the most part.  But, when someone told me I had to read something, it became much less enjoyable and I probably didn't learn everything I was supposed to get out of the lesson.  Often times, when they test you on something in school, you spit out what you need to get a good grade and you move on.  That's what I did.

Throughout my life, I never realized how much the second part of this quote completely describes life.  If you really think about how many lessons you've learned without even realizing it at first, you'd probably lose count pretty fast.  I know I would.

As I've gone through the last (almost) year and started to see my past, present and future with so much more clarity and purpose, I can see all the lessons that I have learned with all of the things I have experienced even when I didn't know I was learning something.

I've focused enough on my past in this blog.  Suffice to say, everything I've gone through has led me to where I am today.  And, now that I know it is possible to be truly happy and looking towards the future with anticipation rather than dreading it, I am so thankful for all of it.

With that, throughout this past year, there are still tests that I have been given in which I have learned a lesson, or two, or ten about myself and/or the people around me.  At the beginning of the year, there were several situations I experienced at work where I didn't always feel appreciated.  I am one of those people who will always go in and give my all.  I'm always willing to help with anything at any time.  But, as I've mentioned a little bit before, that sometimes bit me in the butt.  Now, as I look at those situations, I realize how much stronger I am because of them.  I learned that not everyone has to like me in order for me to be successful, do my job or just be myself.  I also learned that, no matter what the situation, you should continue to give 100% because it shows your true character.  I would have been mad at myself in those situations if I didn't always do my best.  Also, in the end, I believe it showed (and still shows) the kind of person I am along with my work ethic and values.  And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

I have also experienced a couple of frustrations with my weight loss, even though it may not show.  Well, actually, that hasn't happened until very recently.  And, although I have had a few moments where I've gotten down on myself, I talk myself out of my funk and focus on the positive.  I've found that these struggles are teaching me a lesson about going for what I want.  I can't give up.  Sometimes I will have to change my strategy or rethink my goals but I can't focus on what I haven't done.  I'll get there in time.  I HAVE to focus on everything I have done.  I've achieved so much this year.  Weight loss, finding myself, getting a new job that I absolutely love and meeting people that I believe are meant to be in my life for various reasons.  Every achievement and rough patch has taught me so much about myself.  If it doesn't teach me a lesson about something I needed to learn, maybe it helped me realize that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.  That is one of the greatest lessons I could ever take away from this test we call life.

I believe by learning these lessons about myself and surviving these tests,  I found so much strength, self-confidence and belief in the world around me.  I saw these this week and I feel they completely describe my life right now.  And forever.

I am so thankful.  Happy 2014 all!

What is Change?

Change.... Such a big word in so many ways.   I mean how else can you describe the events of life for everyone throughout a year?

According to the dictionary, change is defined in a few different ways:
     1.  to make the form, nature, content, future course of, etc. different from what it is or what it would be if left alone.
     2.  to transform or convert
     3.  to substitute another or others for
     4.  to give and take reciprocally
     5.  to transfer from one to another

Okay, so although I think most of these describe what I've done in the past year, the one I feel most depicts my life is the first one. 

 "To make the course of...different from what it is or what it would be if left alone".

If my mom hadn't taken the time to confront me almost a year ago with everything that was wrong with my life, be supportive and just listen to me cry for hours, I don't know where I would be.  In fact, it scares me to think that I could still be that unhappy and just kind of floating my way through life.  So, change is accepting that although I may not always want to hear what my mom has to say, she truly does know me the best of everyone in the world and only wants what is best for me.

I also have a very difficult time imagining my life without Renee's guidance and friendship over the last year and for the rest of my life (because I know she'll be my friend forever).  If I hadn't had the great fortune of having a big brother who loves me more than I think I ever knew, I probably never would have met her and began the adventure I've been for almost a year.  Change is....taking chances, and knowing that everything in life happens for a reason.

I've had so many people be supportive, encouraging and, amazingly, say I've inspired them in some way.  That last one will always seem strange to me.  Change is....making a difference in the lives of other people - even when you don't realize it or think it is possible.

I used to think I was a happy person.  I had no idea how unhappy I truly was.  My heart no longer feels heavy and I don't feel like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I enjoy my life and I love being truly alive for the first time in a long time.  Change is.....Finding happiness.

Oh, how I hate trying new things.  Whether it's food, meeting new people or just different situations.  If it's uncomfortable for me, I don't want any part of it.  But, if I hadn't been open to all the new things I've experience this year, I wouldn't be in a new job that I love, have met the amazing people I've met and be coming out of my shell at little more each and every day.  Change is.....Being brave.

There's so many amazing adventures available to everyone to experience in life.  I've loved every single one I've been through this year (well, I probably could have done without that whole sushi thing...).  They've all made an impact on the person I am becoming.  Change is....Learning new things.

What do you want to do?  That's a question only you can answer.  Other people can give you advice, tips or share their thoughts but only you truly know what you want out of life.  Sometimes, it will take you awhile to figure it out.  I still am.  But, as I'm figuring out, that's what makes life interesting and I wouldn't have it any other way.  Change is.....Accomplishing goals.

I've finally figured out who I am.  For the most part.  But it's a lifelong process and one that I enjoy a little bit more every day.  Change is.....Finding yourself.

Most of all - change is this:

http://flipagram.com/f/bERsx4DxKD - my journey in a short video :)

Your life is your message to the world.  Make sure it is inspiring.