Moving Forward

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.

Moving forward has always been difficult for me.  I tend to hold on to things that, in the grand scheme of life, don't really matter.  That's a big part of what dragged me so far down in the gutter I found myself in last year.  There were so many things I couldn't find a way to move past.  Whether they were things people said to me, did to me (or I felt were done to me), or allowing people to make me feel a certain way whether it was intended or not, etc.

As I've started to learn how to move forward in life and leave the past right where it belongs - in the past - I have found that all of the things in the quote mentioned above are true in so many ways.

As I've learned how to love myself (something I never used to do), I've found that so many doors are opening for me in my life.  Yes, I have trouble believing that some of the stuff is actually happening but, at the same time, I can see that as I've made myself move forward, I've found so many amazing new things and people that just bring happiness to my life.  Just to list a few - I got a new job that I absolutely love which has led me to meet new people and make new friends, I've become a little more willing to talk to people I don't know very well, I took a test and am a certified personal trainer and I've offered advice to others who have asked about my journey.  All things I did not have in my life / was not willing to do in the past.  I can see now that I was just shutting myself off to so many amazing adventures in life.  She says it's all me, but I know that when someone takes the time to believe in you, to pull things out of you that you never thought anyone would be able to see, you'll be able to accomplish things you never thought were possible.  You'll grow in ways you couldn't have imagined in your wildest dreams.  And, most importantly, you'll be so happy that others will wonder what the heck has happened to you.  In a good way.

Curiosity will always lead you down a new path, whether you want it to or not.  I am always curious about things.  I've just never had the confidence to venture down those new paths.  I love to ask questions and I love to listen to people.  Heck, it's what I do for a living, right?  But, I often preferred to live vicariously through other people.  And, at times, I still do.  Part of that is just my personality.  The other piece of that is definitely confidence in myself and others.  As I've gone through this (literally) life-changing year, I've had to have faith, trust and confidence in others.   And, once I let my guard down some, I slowly began to realize that there are so many unbelievably nice, generous and just all around great people in the world.  I've just been blessed and lucky enough to have a couple of them walk into my life in the last year and become close friends.  They've opened my eyes to the world around me, encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone and laughed right along with me with every single mistake along the way.

Know what?  These paths that curiosity and moving forward have led me down are some of the greatest things that have ever happened to me.  I can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't gone through the last year.  In fact, I don't want to.  I have become a new person who enjoys adventure, stepping out of her comfort zone (at times....) and taking new paths that lead to some of the best things and events in life.

I still have days, hours, moments where I struggle to like myself.  I question people, things that happen, intentions, etc.  In my life, I have been so cautious about putting myself out there because I'm so afraid I'm going to get hurt or someone is going to intentionally do something to make me feel like I'm not a whole person.  I have lots of wounds that get a little smaller every day.  As with anything, it is so easy to slip back into old habits.  Eating, exercising, and yes, even things related to confidence and self-esteem.  However, I've figured out that by taking a step forward every day and learning that the world is not out to get me, I don't have to go backwards.  Moving forward is the best gift I can give to all those who love me.  Especially myself :)