Life these days isn't so much about the incredible changes I've experienced or chances I've taken over the last two and a half years. It's simply about living my life. For many, that may sound very easy and simplistic. For someone like me, it's a daily adventure. I've come to the realization that it will probably be a lifelong process.
See, I've finally realized I'm worth it. What does that mean exactly? Well, honestly, I guess I'm still figuring it out.
I'm worth taking time for myself. I used to feel guilty about saying no. Would the person be mad at me? Would someone at work think less of me because I need a little time to myself? Would that friend ever ask me to do anything again? And so many other questions that used to roll around inside my head.
I'm worth the love I get from my nephew and nieces. When I was really struggling with many aspects of my life, those little faces were the only thing that made me smile. But, I often didn't feel like I deserved to be loved by them. Thankfully, I've changed my thinking about that. My four little friends are literally my heart and soul. They make me laugh when I don't think I can laugh any harder, they make me smile just by running up to me and yelling, "MIMI", they make me see the beauty in the world around me in ways I probably wouldn't see if weren't for the way they see the world. They make me feel like THE most special person in the world and I can't believe I am lucky enough to call myself their aunt :)
I'm worth the respect I get from my co-workers. (After all, I have saved them hours of work because a nifty little scheduling tool :)) Yes, at times, I used to struggle with this for many different reasons. I am so thankful to work in a place where I feel valued and I truly enjoy going to work every day. There's so much to be said for having fun yet still getting things done at work. Of course, there are difficult days every now and then, but, that's part of life and I've finally come to realize that these days too will pass. AND, the good days far outweigh the bad days.
I'm worth it to talk to. I used to retreat inside myself so much because I never thought there was value to what I had to say or offer the world. I love having conversations with people. I'm still not the best at talking to people I don't know. It's part of that whole confidence thing I work on daily. But, to see the amount of growth I've experienced in the last two and a half years, well, it makes me love myself just a little bit more each day.
And, I do believe, that's the trick. Learn how to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, who will? As humans, we often put ourselves down as a way of joking around. I do it. But, deep down, there's always a little bit of truth behind everything we say. Usually it has something to do with the way you feel about yourself. I have made a conscious effort to think about what I'm saying about myself (and others). The next generation learns from how the adults around them act on a daily basis. If I didn't believe that a few years ago, I certainly do now. By showing my nieces (and nephew) that I love myself, they are (hopefully) learning positive ways to deal with struggles they may face in life.
Growing up, we always think we are headed towards the "next best thing". Sometimes, I think we forget to stop and live in the moment. I can be guilty of that. But then I take a look around..... At the fun days I have with my co-workers, ..... At all the precious, irreplaceable time I spend with my four favorite people and how much they grow and change every day.... At the days that pass me by while I sit and think about all the things I've accomplished and all that I hope to do in the future. For so long I questioned everything about my life. Whether or not I deserved all that life has given me. My amazingly wonderful and supportive family, a job/career that I love in so many ways, and so much more that I could never put it all into words.
Well, here's the conclusion I've come to -