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Saturday, January 23, 2016

Three Years...

It's beyond difficult and crazy for me to believe that 3 years ago today I took what would be one of the biggest leaps of faith in my life.  I FINALLY had the courage to make the decision that I needed to do some work to make my life better and find my purpose.

I have learned more in the last 3 years than I could ever write in a blog post.  But, I'm going to do my best to describe it all because I believe it is such a vital piece to the happiness I've found in this journey I like to call life.

My life isn't always perfect.  I would never pretend that it is.  I have my ups and downs.  Doesn't everyone?  What I have discovered is that you find happiness within yourself.  For so many years, I was looking to other people, situations, environments, etc for my happiness.  I never looked at myself.  I mean, hey, I have to live with myself every day so if I'm not happy on the inside, what made me think that something on the outside would fill the broken pieces inside of me?  Well, I'm not sure but I can almost guarantee that I am not the only one guilty of this thought process.  It's no secret I've struggled with depression.  Thankfully, I've found what works for me to fight my way through what can be a horribly debilitating illness.  I've looked deep inside myself to find the holes and fix them.  It's taken a lot of work and I'm still not done.  I firmly believe this is a lifelong process.  But, I can say that I am leaps and bounds happier than I ever thought was possible three years ago.

My thoughts about faith lean towards believing there is a reason for everything that happens in life.  Many people look at my life and think I've always had it easy.  Well, I am beyond blessed with incredible parents, the unwavering support of my family and friends and so much more.  That doesn't mean that life doesn't suck sometimes.  I would venture to say the good times far outweigh the bad.  However, just like anyone, I tend to focus in on the not so good times.  In many ways, it's just human nature.  Why?  If I knew that answer I wouldn't have to play the powerball!

Life deals us hard stuff at times.  But that doesn't mean that there isn't a reason or a purpose for it.  I believe that every situation has a lesson that can be learned.  I may not have had the greatest experience in college but it gave me the ability to work with people who are difficult at times.  I've had difficult times at various jobs but it has led me to a job that I love and co-workers that I wouldn't trade for the world.  In addition to just simply 'maturing',  I've grown in my ability to listen and become better at my job simply because of the situations I've been through.  It's all part of living.  Three years ago, if you would have talked to me about this, I probably would have just looked at you and nodded and then gone on my way believing that someone was out to get me.  By digging down deep inside myself, I've discovered that way of thinking does me way more harm than good.  What can I learn from this?  How can I handle this better in the future?  So many ways to take a bad situation or circumstance and find the positive.  Something else that I work on on a daily basis.  I have faith in the future and what's in store for me.

I am someone who has a small group of friends.  I've never had this huge group of people that I socialize with on a regular basis.  I am definitely more of an introvert.  I don't mind being alone (at times).  Finding true friends is quite difficult.  Especially as you enter your mid-thirties!  I have a couple of friends I've had with me for years.  But, most of my good friends, I've found in just the last few years.  Why?  Who knows!  I believe it's because I wasn't ready to understand myself or what I needed in friendships.  I'm getting there.  And I am beyond blessed with some amazing friends these days.  They listen, they include me (big part of my depression was feeling left out often), they support me, they make me laugh, they cry with me and so much more.  I can't imagine my life without any of them.  There's a reason for each person in your life.  It might take awhile to figure it out but, when you do, you'll be so grateful they're just a phone call (or text message) away!

They've always been there.  If you know me at all, you probably know my family.  If not personally, at least through many stories, pictures, etc.  I can't imagine my life without any one of them.  They are there when I feel like my world is crumbling down around me.  They are there to help me celebrate all the amazing parts of life and for everything in between.  I know I can always count on each and every one of them at any time, day or night.  It's a built in support system.  Three years ago, they were the driving force behind my decision to make some very scary changes in my life.  I couldn't have done it without them.  Blessed is not a strong enough word but it's what I've got right now.  I won't bore anyone with mountains of details.  Just know that I am one lucky girl!

I started this whole journey with weight loss.  My weight may not be where I'd like it to be but it's better than it was.  And I'm healthier and more confident than I ever thought was possible three years ago.  We all need something to focus on. To work on.  I think my weight and living a healthy lifestyle will be something I work on throughout my life.  I know what to do.  I just have to focus in and do what makes me happy.

Working out feels good.  It's stress relief.  It gives me things to celebrate when I'm able to do new things I never thought would be possible.  It's provided me with friendships in the last years that I can't imagine my life without.

Eating right also feels good.  I still eat "crap".  Pretty sure 99% of the population does.  That's life.  But, I've made a commitment to eat foods that make me feel good.  Most of the time ;)  It's worth it.  I promise.

Belief In Others.... And Yourself
When someone believes in you, especially when you don't believe in yourself in any way, shape or form, you find success.  Support.  Confidence.  Happiness.  You begin to believe anything is possible.  Three years ago those words would have never come out of my mouth.  The support, faith, friendship, and so much more that Renee' gave me right from the start is the reason I found success.  Don't get me wrong... I had to want it for myself.... I had to do it for no one but myself... but, without her belief in me, I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today.  Thank you, while not enough, is all I've got!

Thanks for taking an interest in my journey.  And, don't worry, I'm not done! 

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