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Thursday, June 12, 2014

Owning My Story

According to Google, this is my 150th blog post.  Never thought I'd have that much to say.  To anyone.  Let alone anyone who is interested enough to do a search on Google and find this blog :) 

But, writing is like therapy for me.  I have trouble expressing myself if I don't have time to think about what I want to say.  So, with writing, I can take the time to think about what I want to say and then express myself.  Thanks for taking an interest in my story :)  It means more to me than anyone will ever know.  

So, with that, here's what inspired me today - 

For so long, I was never proud of my life story.  If anything, I regretted so many things and focused on the negative.  As I've gone through this process of changing my life, I've accepted who I am, where I've been and, hopefully, where I'm going in the future.  Just as this quote says, I honestly believe this is one of the bravest things I've done.  By owning where I've been in life, decisions I've made, experiences I've had, etc., I've come such a long way in discovering who I am.  And who I want to be.  Yeah, I know, lots of people figure that out well before I have at the age of 34 but, I'm okay with it.  Because, obviously I wasn't meant to discover all of this until now.  
I love myself.  Sure, I have days where I struggle.  I'm human.  But, when you finally discover all the wonderful things about yourself, you'll slowly learn how amazing it feels when you love who you are and who you hope to continue to be as life continues.

When you are finally willing to take pride in who you are and the life you've created for yourself, you'll be astonished at how your life changes for the better.  Owning my story allows me to really connect with the second quote that inspired me today - 

My shell is my happy place.  It's my comfort.  And that's okay.  Sometimes. If you ever see me among a group of people that I don't know, you would probably think, 'does she ever speak?'.  The answer to that would be yes.  I am definitely a shy person.  At first.  I think it relates back to my childhood and, more so, to my entire life and the issues I've had with people I trusted not turning out to be the people I needed them to be.  Or expected them to be.  So, it takes me awhile to open up.  However, once I do, I think you'd be amazed at how my personality shines through.  I LOVE to laugh.  Finding humor in every day life is a must for me.  I am an open book.  Ask me a question and you'll get an honest answer.  Sometimes a long winded one.  It depends on the situation.  As I've gone through this life changing journey, I've learned how to open myself up a little more.  I think a big part of that is because I'm happy.  When you are happy with yourself and your life, comfort and happiness will shine through even when you don't realize it.

If I had to pick one thing my friendship with Renee' has taught me over the last year and a half, it's this.  For so long (most of my adult life), I never thought I had anything to offer the world.  Sure, I hoped I was making a difference in the lives of the kids I worked with but, other than that, why was my life important?  Yes, I asked myself that question A LOT.  More than I should have.  And more than I think anyone, even my family realizes.  When you find true friends, people who want to see you happy, help you find ways to be your best and so much more, you begin to see all that you have to offer the world.  My family always tried to tell me that and, although I trust all of them, I didn't always believe them.  I mean, they are my family, they're supposed to say that, right?  Throughout the last year and a half, I've (slowly) discovered that I have many gifts to offer the world.  I guess I needed to see that through the eyes of someone who hasn't known me or my family my whole life.  Who knows about my life and past experiences simply by talking to me and waiting to hear my answers.  

There's something inside everyone that the world needs.  For some of us, it just takes a little longer to figure out what that is.  In fact, I'm still trying to figure it out.  Maybe it will change from day to day, week to week, etc.  But, one thing I am sure of, I want to help other people find the happiness and inner peace I feel now.  I know how it feels to be at rock bottom.  It's possible to find your way out.  Just look around you.  And open yourself up to new people and new experiences.  You'll be amazed at what you find.  In others and in yourself.