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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Brave, Strong, Smart and Loved

This speaks volumes to me.  Although I have changed by leaps and bounds over the last year, I definitely still have days and moments when I struggle with various things.  I'm human.  And just like everyone else, there are imperfections or things about myself I wish I could change.  But, when I really stop and think about it, I shouldn't want to change those things.  They make me who I am, the reason my nephew and nieces practically run me over when I walk in the door, the reason I have so many amazing friends and so much more.  

I am not what one would consider a brave person.  But, if I look back, I probably am a lot braver than I think I am.  I've mentioned many times before that I do not like change and I really really struggle with new and/or uncomfortable situations.  However, over the last year or so, I have ventured out and done things I never thought I would do.  I have taken some chances on things that are scary to me and, honestly, I wouldn't change one of them.  I've met some great people, made some new friends, almost completed a year in a new job that I am so happy and thankful for, and sorta learned how to cook.  

All of those things and more are the reasons people would probably say I'm stronger than I think.  I will say I know without a doubt that I am physically much stronger than I was a year ago.  But, I don't think that is what this refers to.  I think it is related to inner strength.  To an outsider, heck, to myself, I may not seem like that strong of a person.  Probably because I am so quiet and reserved (until you get to know me).  But, I know, for a fact, I have so much strength inside me.  I wouldn't have become the person I am today without strength.  I wouldn't be able to laugh hysterically at myself  if I weren't strong.  And, I wouldn't be willing to try so many new things if I didn't have strength inside me.  It takes awhile to build it up.  I'm still working on it and I know I will be for a long time.  But, I will say, every ounce of strength you discover will make your life that much happier.  I know mine is!

Smarter than I think ... yeah, I guess that's true.  I don't give myself enough credit for being able to do things, especially cooking or fitness related.  I'm not sure that necessarily relates to being smart as much as it does to confidence.  But, I know that when I take the time to really think things through and believe that I can accomplish something, I find I am much smarter than I believe and I can do a lot more than I ever thought I could.  And every time it happens, it's an amazing feeling!

Loved more than I'll ever know.... 14 months ago I would have just nodded my head and said, yeah, okay without believing you.  I just didn't think anyone had a reason to love me or even really like me. Now, I see the looks of love and pride on the faces of my family and friends.  And I know that my family loves me.  I questioned that 14 months ago.   My friends and family have made all the difference in what I've been able to accomplish since I started on this journey to find myself.  Happiness and love shines through my smile, my face, my eyes.  After so many years of not seeing that happiness, here's just a sample of what it can look like:

 Trying to take a picture every month so I can see differences in myself - Here's April's :) 

The 3 loves of my life.  I can't begin to explain how much happiness they bring to my life.

Take chances.  Know that you have so much strength inside you.  That you are braver than you ever thought possible and you'll always have people who love you.  Lean on them when you need to and they will make the best friends for you throughout your life.  These are things I work on every day.  But it's worth it.  Especially when you find happiness.  The greatest gift you will ever give yourself.  

Sometimes we are tested.  Not to show our weaknesses, 
but to discover our strengths.