Follow by Email

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Taking Chances, Being Busy and Dealing with Life

Already the last weekend in September.  Where has the year gone?  I'm not sure but this has by far been the best year of my life in so many ways.  It definitely didn't start out that way.  I was so down on myself and my life in general that I couldn't have even imagined being this happy and this alive.

I was so looking forward to the weekend.  After the beer run and spending time with my friends on Friday, I had another busy Saturday ahead of me.  My nephew plays soccer right now and I love being able to watch his games so I drove out to watch him play.  Afterwards, I went to Special Olympics practice where I walked around the pool for an hour timing kids in their races so we will be ready for the meet in November.  I received more compliments from people who hadn't seen me in awhile and I was just excited to be enjoying watching the kids swim in my tank top and shorts.  I never would have been comfortable like that last year.

I knew I needed new gym shoes so I went to the running shoe store and got my feet measured again.  Never knew I could lose weight in my feet!  I went down an entire size in just a few months.  And I bought bright orange shoes!  I'd definitely stand out in a crowd - and, sounds crazy, but I never would have worn shoes like that a few months ago.  I would do anything I could to just blend in to the crowd.  Now, I don't mind standing out, well a little.  I'm not used to being the center of attention at all.  And it definitely makes me uncomfortable, even still.

That evening I was invited to a housewarming party.  I was excited to go but a little nervous at the same time.  The only people I would know are the people having the party.  And, as I've said before, I don't do very well in uncomfortable situations or places where I don't know people.  Just that fact that I went, knowing I wouldn't know anyone, is a huge step for me.  Although I didn't say much throughout the night, I did have a good time.  I had a couple of conversations but, overall, I just kinda stood back and took it all in.  Everyone was so nice and when I did talk, having a conversation with different people was fun.  I got to know my friends better and by the end of the night I felt more comfortable.  Just wish I spoke a little more.  But, with me, it all happens in time.  It takes me awhile to warm up to people but, once I do, I'm usually pretty easy to talk to and fun to be around, I think.  I've gotten a little better at not dwelling on the thought that people might think I am rude.  It's just my nature and I am definitely guarded in a lot of ways.  BUT, I also smile so much more and and am taking more chances in my life than I ever have.

Sunday was going to be a lazy day.  Got a nice walk in and was looking forward to laying around and being lazy.  However, when I went in the basement to start laundry, I heard water coming from my ceiling, looked up and saw a huge crack right underneath my kitchen.  The old me would have cried and probably had the equivalent of a panic attack.  Instead, I called my dad and we talked through the best thing I could do and decided I would call the claims guy from the previous leak because we figured it was related.   I put some buckets under the leak, turned on a fan to dry the water soaked carpet and went about my lazy day.  While definitely frustrated with all of this, I knew I couldn't control it and just had to go with the flow.

Having a different outlook on life is an amazing feeling.  I'm not sure what I can compare it to.  I recently reread my first blog post about how I was letting my weight mask everything else that was wrong with my life.  Now that I had lost a significant amount of weight, my self confidence had grown in ways I couldn't have imagined a year ago.  But it wasn't, and still isn't, just about the weight.  I have new friends, an amazing job working with great people, friends and family members who believe in me and like me for who I am.  I haven't changed as a person (I hope), I just know I'm a better version of myself.  I'm living my life - and that's an unbelievable feeling for someone who, just 8 months ago, didn't want to leave the house.  I can only imagine what's still in store for me to discover.