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Friday, September 20, 2013

Still Finding Myself, Enjoying It and Living My Life :)

I was sitting here trying to figure out what to write about this time.  This whole blog is about my journey to finding myself.  Believe me, if you had asked me when I was 18, I would have told you that by the time I was 33 I would be married, have kids and be living what I considered to be a "normal" life.  I think that's part of the reason why I wasn't happy with myself. up until a few months ago.  I felt like there was something wrong with me or different about me because I wasn't married.  No one ever intentionally made me feel that way... it was just how I felt and I couldn't seem to shake it.

Since January, I have slowly realized and discovered that there are so many people out there who like/love me and want to be around me for who I am.  I know this realization has made my life with my family better.  It has also made a difference with my friends and in my work life.  There were many times that I would try to get attention for no important reason simply because I wanted someone to notice me.  I just felt like I blended in to the background.  As I look back on several of those situations, I realize that all I wanted was to like myself, and I didn't.  I always felt like there was something wrong with me and I think that was a major contribution to why I would retreat inside myself and why I was so unhappy.

So, the weekend started out with Renee' telling me I should tell my story, that people would be intrigued.  I thought she was crazy.  Lack of self confidence rears its ugly head again.  But, with some encouragement, I decided to give it a try.  I looked at how I could write a blog, and just started my story from the beginning which has resulted in what you are reading now.  Imagine my surprise when, by the end of the weekend, over 100 people had read what I wrote.  I just shared it on facebook and twitter (and I'm not friends with that many people), so I couldn't believe it.  I had all kinds of comments saying how interested people were and that they wanted to keep reading.  Renee' was right again.  She usually is.  She knows me pretty well, hence the reason we've become friends.  So, I kept writing, and I realized, in a way, this was my way to heal from all of my old wounds.  Trust me, I have a lot of them.  Some I've written about, some I haven't.  And if I can help one person find their way to a better life, then I hope I've paid forward what Renee' has done for me and continues to help me with each day.

The week was another good one, some things to do after work but I managed to exercise each day.  And, my accomplishment of the week was that I managed to jog for 20 minutes straight on the treadmill.  Up until now, I had only been able to do 5 minutes at a time with a 2 minute break in between each 5 minute set.  I was sooo excited!!  I couldn't believe what I had just done.... it was insane.

We had open house that week as well but because of my determination, I made an effort to get a little bit of exercise in before I headed back to school.  Oh, and I had lost another 2 lbs for a total of 78!  It was the end of August, the beginning of festival weekend and I was on the verge of a huge milestone... Didn't seem like life could get much better - but, it does, continues to get better.  Festival weekend every year is so fun, but this year, it was awesome for so many more reasons... :)